Having Faith

" Why her?"..... these words keeps ringing in my ears as I kept recalling this morning´s earlier conversation with him..... I didn´t know what to say, how to comfort him. I knew it was a hard time, I feel his pain but yet I am unable to reach out and comfort him. I recalled saying to him " Pray, prayer works. You need to have faith even though you think it seems absurd"... 

I know it´s something people tend to not want to hear, especially when they just received devastating news about someone or something. Maybe I have not experienced certain things in life. Maybe I´m not that matured to have experience all types of pain in life..... 

In all my years of knowing him... I have seen him break down and cry. It hurts to see his pain... even hurts more to see him controlling all his emotions and bottling up inside him. I remember all so well how I hugged him closely to me as he silently weep onto my chest when he heard the news that his grandfather passed away. *sighs* What I´d give to take away that pain in his eyes and in him. 

I know the great pain of losing a grandparent. I lost both my only living grandparents at a younger but able to understand age. You see, when I was born, I only have 1 grandfather (my father´s father) and 1 grandmother (my mother´s mum). My grandmother died when I was at the age of 11. She died from eating the wrong type of banana.... Initially, after eating those bananas, she got really sick and was stuck in I.C.U (Intensive Care Unit) for weeks before passing away. I was close to her, she used to always come and stay with us when I was little. I even remember sometimes getting pissed at her cos she loves and is damn good in nagging. Far worse than my own parents nagging at times *rofl* But she was always there... the wonderful grandmother. Her death hit me and my mum more than I can remember. I remember how mum couldn´t seem to move on and watching her do that hurts. My grandfather, on the other hand, passed away when I was 15, leaving me grandparent"less" after so long. Never was close to him. Communication breakdown actually.... due to the language barrier.. But still, I was never one to be rude and cruel to elderly folks. My parents brought me up to respect and love the elders or people who need assistance.


But.......... back to reality.....


Seeing this pain in him all over again, doesn´t make things any easier for me, especially when we are 10000 km apart from each other. 

I wish I could cross this vast gap between us and comfort him while he struggles to maintain strength and pretend not to know anything about it.

I wish things would be easier for him as he´s been through more than his own share for the past few years.

But yet, I know... some things can´t be changed. Except to believe in the power of prayer and have faith. Something which he doesn´t seem to believe in. You see, he´s a scientist thinking. Many a things..... especially when science cannot explain, he don´t accept or don´t believe *Sighs*

I wish I really could do something to ease his pain on what he is going through at the moment, and as his significant half support him in every way possible. 

But such things are not something to be done easily. In fact, from his own personal experience with it, he says there is nothing that can be done. Even if cured, the person is completely destroyed emotionally.


I will be strong, despite all that is going on in my own life and in his. 2 parties collapsing isn´t a good solution, like what I told him. And..... although he doesn´t believe in it, I´ll keep this matter close to prayer and have faith... that somehow, God will hear and eventually reveal the ending. But whatever it is, I will have faith and keep strong. If not for myself, for the one I love.