Life is more about winning a race

Life is more about winning the race or being the richest. We should always take the time to treasure every moment we have with the people around us, especially the people who loves us - our family.

Original article can be found @ Why Readers, Scientifically, Are the Best People To Fall In Love With (Clickable Link)

An interesting read to ponder upon. To think of it... I used to think I was a weirdo as I can put myself in the book and feel everything the characters are feeling

Happy Reading and Happy Friday folks 

Why Readers, Scientifically, Are The Best People To Fall In Love With

Lauren Martin in CultureJul 9, 2014 • 1:59pm

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Ever finished a book? I mean, truly finished one? Cover to cover. Closed the spine with that slow awakening that comes with reentering consciousness?

You take a breath, deep from the bottom of your lungs and sit there. Book in both hands, your head staring down at the cover, back page or wall in front of you.

You’re grateful, thoughtful, pensive. You feel like a piece of you was just gained and lost. You’ve just experienced something deep, something intimate. (Maybe, erotic?) You just had an intense and somewhat transient metamorphosis.

Like falling in love with a stranger you will never see again, you ache with the yearning and sadness of an ended affair, but at the same time, feel satisfied. Full from the experience, the connection, the richness that comes after digesting another soul. You feel fed, if only for a little while.

This type of reading, according to TIME magazine’s Annie Murphy Paul, is called “deep reading,” a practice that is soon to be extinct now that people are skimming more and reading less.

Readers, like voicemail leavers and card writers, are now a dying breed, their numbers decreasing with every GIF list and online tabloid.

The worst part about this looming extinction is that readers are proven to be nicer and smarter than the average human, and maybe the only people worth falling in love with on this shallow hell on earth.

According to both 2006 and 2009 studies published by Raymond Mar, a psychologist at York University in Canada, and Keith Oatley, a professor of cognitive psychology at the University of Toronto, those who read fiction are capable of the most empathy and “theory of mind,” which is the ability to hold opinions, beliefs and interests apart from their own.

They can entertain other ideas, without rejecting them and still retain their own. While this is supposed to be an innate trait in all humans, it requires varying levels of social experiences to bring into fruition and probably the reason your last partner was such a narcissist.

Did you ever see your ex with a book? Did you ever talk about books? If you didn’t, maybe you should think about changing your type.

It’s no surprise that readers are better people. Having experienced someone else’s life through abstract eyes, they’ve learned what it’s like to leave their bodies and see the world through other frames of reference.

They have access to hundreds of souls, and the collected wisdom of all them. They have seen things you’ll never understand and have experienced deaths of people you’ll never know.

They’ve learned what it’s like to be a woman, and a man. They know what it’s like to watch someone suffer. They are wise beyond their years.

Another 2010 study by Mar reinforces this idea with results that prove the more stories children have read to them, the keener their “theory of mind.” So while everyone thinks their kids are the best, the ones who read have the edge as they truly are the wiser, more adaptable and understanding children.

Because reading is something that molds you and adds to your character. Each triumph, lesson and pivotal moment of the protagonist becomes your own.

Every ache, pain and harsh truth becomes yours to bear. You’ve traveled with authors and experienced the pain, sorrow and anguish they suffered while writing through it. You’ve lived a thousand lives and come back to learn from each of them.

If you’re still looking for someone to complete you, to fill the void of your singly-healed heart, look for the breed that’s dying out. You will find them in coffee shops, parks and subways.

You will see them with backpacks, shoulder bags and suitcases. They will be inquisitive and soulful, and you will know by the first few minutes of talking to them.

They Won’t Talk To You… They’ll Speak To You

They will write you letters and texts in verse. They are verbose, but not in the obnoxious way. They do not merely answer questions and give statements, but counter with deep thoughts and profound theories. They will enrapture you with their knowledge of words and ideas.

According to the study, “What Reading Does For The Mind” by Anne E. Cunningham of the University of California, Berkeley, reading provides a vocabulary lesson that children could never attain by schooling.

According to Cunningham, “the bulk of vocabulary growth during a child’s lifetime occurs indirectly through language exposure rather than through direct teaching.”

Do yourself a favor and date someone who really knows how to use their tongue.

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They Don’t Just Get You… They Understand You

You should only fall in love with someone who can see your soul. It should be someone who has reached inside you and holds those innermost parts of you no one could find before. It should be someone who doesn’t just know you, but wholly and completely understands you.

According to Psychologist David Comer Kidd, at the New School for Social Research, “What great writers do is to turn you into the writer. In literary fiction, the incompleteness of the characters turns your mind to trying to understand the minds of others.”

This is proved over and over again, the more people take to reading. Their ability to connect with characters they haven’t met makes their understanding of the people around them much easier.

They have the capacity for empathy. They may not always agree with you, but they will try to see things from your point of view.

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They’re Not Just Smart… They’re Wise

Being overly smart is obnoxious, being wise is a turn on. There’s something irresistible about someone you can learn from. The need for banter and witty conversation is more imperative than you may believe, and falling in love with a reader will enhance not just the conversation, but the level of it.

According to Cunningham, readers are more intelligent, due to their increased vocabulary and memory skills, along with their ability to spot patterns. They have higher cognitive functions than the average non-reader and can communicate more thoroughly and effectively.

Finding someone who reads is like dating a thousand souls. It’s gaining the experience they’ve gained from everything they’ve ever read and the wisdom that comes with those experiences. It’s like dating a professor, a romantic and an explorer.

If you date someone who reads, then you, too, will live a thousand different lives.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It

Truly Asia

A friend of mine posted this youtube of Tourism Malaysia 2014 on facebook earlier today. Watching the video, brings back wonderful memories of when we were living still in Malaysia. Don´t get me wrong, I do love Malaysia. I have traveled excessively all over Malaysia ever since I could - back then with my ex husband, then together with my daughter. Malaysia is indeed a beautiful and remarkable place, with alot of untouched nature to explore and see. However, as of today, if I am to be asked.... if I will return to my homeland, I am abit reluctant to go. 

Reading all these news about whats on going and happening in Malaysia, as a Malaysian, I don´t feel that it is all that safe for my girl and I to return to Malaysia for a visit. Maybe as a foreigner (the ang mohs etc) you might feel safe - even then we read and see news about how the foreigners, even a BRIT, was stabbed or robbed etc. But yet, nothing seems to be done by the Malaysian Government to ensure these safety. So how then will you expect people to go and visit Malaysia? Sweeping everything under a carpet/rug and hoping it doesn´t surface anymore is a very dangerous thing to do, especially crime rates. 

I do feel, as a brand new year gradually rolls along..... that the Prime Minister and his Cabinet will enforce and do something about things like these.... instead of squabbling about all the things non Muslims are doing will threaten the Muslims etc. Everyone in Malaysia has lived together for God knows how many years, visiting each other, embracing the difference in culture and tradition etc...... why now only you all - the government and politicians - decide to have an itchy butt and tear all these valuable "assets" apart? 

I hope you enjoy the song as much as I did...

Happy 2014

As I did more browsing along the internet and such, I stumbled upon another blog with a post that caught my attention....... As I was reading the article posted, It did came to my mind... how I despise others for always saying that I control too much, I make too much noise etc when it comes to my kid. Well... this lady actually summarizes everything I ever thought of.... 

Doesn't mean that you are a parent yourself, or turned grandparent, means that you know what is best for EVERY child on this damn planet. And that it is rude for you to simply just "assume" all the way. I think that you should have respect for every parent of a child and not simply assume. 

Nevertheless, happy reading on a Monday morning!

Link : Always ask the child's mother first (Clickable link)

Always Ask The Child’s Mother First

September 26, 2013 by mymommyology | 10 Comments

Before I had them, I was the doting aunt that didn’t mind being around kids.

There was once a baby shower where boyfriends, husbands and kids were invited.  A cute little boy (whose mom was then an acquaintance but has now become a good friend) came running up to me.  I was seated at the dessert table, and he pointed towards the goodies behind me.  I saw he was asking for a brownie, and I automatically reached over to get one for him.  He was too cute to resist!

Somewhere in the motions of me reaching for the brownie and him reaching up towards the said dessert, I caught his mom’s gaze from afar.  smiled and mouthed, “he’s asking for this“.  My hand hadn’t made it all the way down (and his fingers were inches away from the brownie)when she jumped up and ran to get him, saying, “No no no no…” to me.  She did it very pleasantly, but in the end the little boy realized he’d been spotted and that he wasn’t going to get his brownie treat.  He started to cry, but his (wise) mom was able to distract him quickly enough with something else.

I also caught my then-boyfriend-now husband looking at me and he reprimanded, “You should have asked first.”

What I couldn’t understand then is something I TOTALLY understand, practice and advocate now.

I find I’m constantly in that mom’s shoes:  pulling my kids away because well-meaning friends, family and relatives just hand my kids sweets, treats, and all these other things without checking with me first.  I understand everyone just wants to see them happy, but it doesn’t make my job as a parent any easier (and parenting is already hard to begin with!).  In fact every time I’m put in this position, I think of that mom friend and how irritated she must have felt towards me then.  I don’t blame her, because that’s how I feel now!  Even when the children are polite and ask nicely or wait patiently for their turn.  I have been told many times that my kids are hard to resist… but I cannot say it enough:  PLEASE ASK ME FIRST.

Borrowing this from www.marriagelifeministries.org

Moms are already the bad cop by default, and we don’t want anything else to reinforce that unless it’s absolutely necessary.  Often enough we’re the rule enforcer, the one that’s more strict, and the “un-fun” one (as my niece would say).  We have rules that you may not know about.  And we have rules that are different from your own, for reasons you may not understand.  I’m personally happy to share ours when asked though, and I would guess that other moms would too.

What if the child is allergic to something you offer, or it’s against the doctor’s orders?  Only a mother will know.  And it’s safe to assume that if the nanny also tells you so — then take heed (because in my case) she has been properly briefed.

Another thing is to ask mom IN PRIVATE.  If you dangle chocolates in front of a child’s face and say “Look what I have!  Oh but let’s ask your mom first,” it puts us moms in an awkward position.  And the poor child, it’s like such a big tease to see it and to not be able to get it!  It’s not fair to them and all the more it causes trouble.  But I’ve also found that if I’m consulted first in private, if it doesn’t go against some of our non-negotiables (like no sweets after 6pm), I will bend and compromise.  I’m happy to find a win-win-win solution, because I too like seeing my kids happy and being given special care and treatment.  But I need your cooperation too, as do most moms.

Why should we give every mother this courtesy?  Because all our parenting styles are different.  We all operate under different rules and circumstances.  This small effort is a subtle way to show mom, “I respect your style.”  Letting mom know can also help her plan a little better.  And give us moms the benefit of the doubt.  We don’t want to be mean or difficult, just because.  In the end, whatever happens to our children, be it a tummy ache, an allergic reaction or a tantrum — we have to deal with it.  We have to explain why and why not.  It’s all on us.

Something else needs to be said too.  When you ask — WAIT FOR A RESPONSE.  Some people know the “rule”, are great at asking — but they don’t bother waiting for mom to reply!  They just do what they want anyway.  Why ask then, out of posterity?!

How can you expect them NOT to want it? It’s a totally unfair test of E.Q.

Once I was asked if Sam could have chocolates (this was before lunch).  I said yes she can have a few but after she eats a proper meal (who doesn’t know that chocolates ruin a child’s good appetite anyway?!).  The chocolates were left in front of my poor daughter who just kept staring at them.  After a few minutes of Sam’s prodding (that I was so patiently trying to ward off), my instructions were ignored and Sam was told she could reach into the box and take a small bite.  That’s not exactly very helpful is it?!

This is for all the other moms and parents who go through the same things I do.  I am completely aware — no one purposely wants to cause trouble, or break the rules.  Everyone just wants to help or to please the child.  But I hope this helps us all realize that the best help you can give is to mom by asking first (and listening next of course).   Just respect that boundary, and things will go smoothly.  Everyone will get what they want, and we’ll all live happily ever after.

Happy Mother´s Day

Happy Mothers Day to all my readers who are mothers out there!

I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating it with your family and love ones =)

For myself, this is my 5th year being a mom myself. And I have to say one thing..... I have no regrets 5 years ago fighting to keep my daughter alive.

However........... a small tribute : 

For the 2 most important women in my life:

My mother, Melinda Chiew.
It was 30 years ago, since you first brought me into this world. From that moment on, right up till this very day, thank you for all the remarkable time spent with me - playing together with me, reading to me, taking me out to the parks every evening, guiding me, teaching me, nagging me, scolding me non stop, and most importantly........... for all the endless support, care, understanding and guidance you have given me all my 30 years right up till I became a mother myself. Thank you for your non stop teachings even when I am now residing 10,000km away from you. Thank you for being the best mum any child can ever ask for! I miss you so much, even from this 10,000km away from you. On this special day.... I want to wish you a very wonderful and happy Mother´s day. I hope you have a great time celebrating with sis....

My "ex" Mother in Law, Elaine P.
Although we only had these "official" 3 years (and also including all the "unofficial" years before my marriage) as Mum and daughter in law, I am so proud to call you my mother in law! Thank you for all those wonderful time we spent together hanging out makan makan, shopping, going pasar malam after work, and even watching movies. Thank you for all your help and your guidance all these years, even during my most difficult times. Thank you for the understanding and love you showered onto me even long before I got married. You´re the best mum in law any lady can ever ask for, and I am proud to call you mum in law..... and, after all the things I have gone thru, even though I am no longer officially your daughter in law, You will always remain in my heart as my mother in law and nothing else! Happy mothers Day on this very special day. 

Location:Parkstraße,Berlin,Germany