Many parents dread it when their young ones ask them
where they came from. Some parents relied on a children's sex education
book aptly titled Where Did I Come From? but the book has since been
banned for its graphic content.
MUMMY, where did I come
from?” When her daughter asks this question, says a freelance copywriter
who wishes to be known only as Suet, she will be prepared with the
right answer.
“I will talk about sex with my daughter as soon as she starts asking questions,” says Suet, 29.
“I would rather my child learned about sex from me than from other sources such as the media.”
Too
graphic: Khairun believes there is a distinction between children’s sex
educational books and pornography and he believes the book Where Did I
Come From? is of the latter category. — Bernama
But there is one source that she would not mind learning from, and it is a book that has been recently banned in Malaysia.
Suet says she only heard of the book titled
Where Did I Come From? when the controversy surrounding it first emerged.
This naturally piqued her interest and she has managed to get a PDF version of the book from the Internet.
“I can't speak for all parents but I think it has been tastefully done in an educational way,” she says.
She also admits to having ordered the book online and is keeping her fingers crossed that it would arrive soon.
It
is a fact that many parents still dread hearing these questions from
their young ones, and many would probably fob off the question by saying
a baby was a special delivery by a stork or that they were found in the
hospital.
It was to help parents explain such things that
inspired British writer Peter Mayle to write the book, which is
described on its cover as the facts of life without any nonsense and
with illustrations.
The book which Mayle dedicated to parents
everywhere has been sold in Malaysia for quite a while, and many have
used it to educate their children about the “birds and the bees”.
Education or pornography?
But when Umno Youth Community Complaints Bureau chief
Datuk Muhd Khairun Aseh received complaints about the book, he felt duty-bound to investigate.
Upon going through it, Khairun says he was shocked that such a book could be available freely in major bookstores in Malaysia.
What was more shocking was that it was placed in the children's section, he adds.
The
book, which was first published in 1973, describes the reproductive
process in simple and humorous language accompanied with cartoon
illustrations and drawings of naked male and female bodies complete with
genitalia.
Khairun believes there is a distinction between
children's sex educational books and pornography and he believes the
book is of the latter category.
“The book might fit the values of
where the author comes from, but not Malaysian values,” says Khairun,
who submitted a copy of the bureau's complaints to the Home Ministry's
Al-Quran Text and Publishing Control section.
After the contents
were scrutinised, it was banned on grounds that it contained elements
that could be detrimental to society's morals and public interest.
The
ban was in accordance with the Printing Presses and Publications Act,
which, among others, states that anyone convicted of circulating and
distributing the book could be fined no more than RM20,000, or jailed
three years or less, or both.
Many have criticised the ban, which they say has made Malaysia a laughing stock on the international stage.
News of the ban was also reported all over the world.
Mother-of-three
Daphne Lee feels the ban is unnecessary, saying that the book is
written for children and it explains how babies are conceived in a
straightforward and gentle way between two people in a loving
relationship.
“It's presented as two people in love and happy together having a child,” she says.
She believes that those who oppose the sale of the book might attach a sexual significance to everything they see.
“They
might not view breastfeeding as a nourishment to the child but as
something sexual. It reflects what's going through their minds,” she
says, adding that the book can't be said to be pornographic as it does
not stimulate sexual desire.
She believes that many look at the fundamental human activity of sex in a very prurient way.
“But
there is nothing dirty about it. We wouldn't be here if our parents
didn't have sex. It's a normal and healthy activity,” she says.
Lee says she has read the book to her eldest child and found that it was a good introduction to the subject.
She would rather expose the facts of life to her kids than have them find out from another source such as their friends.
“As a parent, I owe it to them to give them the facts,” she says.
She also believes that as a result of their exposure to sex education, her sons don't have a weird fascination with nudity.
Seeing a girl in a bikini, for instance, they would not connect it with sex, she explains.
Part-time lecturer and mother-of-three Yew Su Fong, 40, recalls her mum giving her the book when she was in primary school.
“I
thought it was a useful and educational book. I'm glad that I had it at
that age because one would want to know where one came from,” she says,
adding that the content was presented very well.
She has passed the book on to her two eldest children, both girls, aged seven and 10.
“I'm
surprised it's still around in the first place. I would be very sad if
it was banned because many parents find it useful in educating kids
about the facts of life,” she says, but adds that she would understand
if anyone views it as offensive.
Initiating a talk about sex is difficult and the book might be useful in overcoming this first stage, Yew says.
“Children at a young age will want to know these sort of things. The book might be graphic but in no way is it pornographic.”
Among
other things, the book which has been described as a first-aid for
parents explains the physical differences between a male and a female,
the process of making love, and pregnancy. The characters are slightly
elderly and overweight.
The book has an average rating of four stars from 157 reviews on
Amazon.com.
Most
reviewers found the book, intended for children between four and eight,
useful and tasteful although there was a minority who said it was not
appropriate and was too graphic.
Khairun points out that in one
of the pages, the author wrote that the process of making love involved
the man pushing his penis up and down inside the woman's vagina.
He says he was shocked by sentences like this, and the graphic level of nudity.
“It's
never too late to rectify things. How it reached the shelf is another
question and I urge the authorities to look into it,” he adds.
He
accepts that children have to be exposed to sex education but argues
that the degree and level have to be done in tandem with Malaysian
values and culture.
“I'm not against sex education but it's too adult in this case.”
Too much for kids
Faiz
Al-Shabab, a consultant with digital portal E-Sentral, agrees with
Khairun, saying that while the book is presumably not offensive in
liberal countries such as Norway or Sweden, it might not be suitable for
children here.
“It is a subjective thing but I would not show my
child the book,” he says. “There are more Asian or subtle ways of
describing things like this.”
Faiz, who says he would probably
talk about the facts of life with his son when he hits puberty, at about
12 or 13, feels a big deal shouldn't have been made about the book as
it would attract more attention.
“They should have just banned
the book and moved on. All this uproar is an advertisement for the
book,” he says, pointing out that many of his colleagues have tried to
look for it.
Faiz believes many would attempt to download the
e-book version, and that the PDF version could probably be found on
file-sharing websites.
The point he wants to make, and most Malaysian agree, is that if you really want it, you can get it.
When
it comes to talking about sex with our young children, we can't
maintain a third world mentality and say the stork brought the baby
down, Suet stresses.
“If you want to explain what sex is all about, then you will have to know about conception, pregnancy and all the body parts.
“(In
the book) it is not drawn in such a way that is obscene. You might
giggle but that's all,” she says, pointing out that many unwanted
pregnancies were probably caused by lack of sex education.
Engineer Kumar, 27, however, finds the images of naked people even in illustrations disturbing for children.
“I'm not sure how kids would react to it but I figure there are other ways to teach sex education,” he says.
Kumar,
who is single, says children would eventually learn about sex. “You
grow older and it comes naturally. I'm quite sure I figured it out
without having people to tell me,” he says.
But while Kumar feels it is not appropriate, he doesn't support the ban.
“If
anybody wants to use the book to teach their children about sex and how
babies are made, it should be up to them. People should have a choice,”
he says.