Today I found another article which is quite heartbreaking..... a man beating up his poor 4 month old pregmant wife just because she has food cravings during her pregnancy......

I guess he must have been a complete idiot, who probably is just "fucking" till he "accidentally" makes his wife pregnant... but don´t wanna "share" the burden of having a child........

Thankfully... when I was first pregnant, my husband never knew about it. I hid my pregnancy well from him... though I doubt he would accompany me much with my food cravings, as he wasn´t even there for me when I went for my monthly check ups with the doctors...... He was either completely busy with his work (he was actually married to his work and not me) or busy with his gaming.... I remember those fights we had when I insisted he accompany me to the doc... which resulted him never going.... though I managed to only persuade him to go with me twice..... even with a black face.... ROFL.....

Ahhhh those good old memories.... painful, sweet, happy and also sad memories *sighs*

Anyways...... here´s sharing the article for you all

Friday April 1, 2011

Man beats pregnant wife over food cravings

OTHER NEWS & VIEWS
Compiled by SIMON KHOO, NG SI HOOI and A. RAMAN

A FOUR-MONTH pregnant woman was punched and kicked by her husband after she asked him to look for two types of “rare” food in the middle of the night.

Harian Metro reported that the woman, aged 28, had developed a craving for various types of delicacies and fruits which were difficult to find.

Previously, the husband, in his 30s, had obliged her requests but this time his emotions got the better of him and he lost his temper.

In the latest incident on Tuesday, the woman again pestered her husband to look for buah kelur and lempuk durian when he returned to their house in Bandar Baru Sentul from work at 11pm.

“The husband blew his top and scolded his wife.

“The couple argued for a good 20 minutes before he lost control of his anger and started punching and kicking his wife,” a source said.

The wife contacted a friend to send her to the Kuala Lumpur Hospital for a check-up before lodging a police report.

Sentul OCPD Asst Comm Zakaria Pagan confirmed the incident, adding that an investigation would be carried out.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/4/1/nation/8389596&sec=nation 

My ex husband never believed in such things. Nor did he believe that I was facing it the moment I gave birth. Thankfully, I had friends that helped me out when I was facing this.

When baby blues turn into psychosis

9 August 2010

Watch out for symptoms of post-partum depression. - Photo ©iStockphoto.com/ michellegibson

By BRIGITTE ROZARIO

The worst case that has been publicised of post-partum depression leading into psychosis is Andrea Yates in the United States. She was 37 when she killed all of her five children one morning. She filled the bathtub and drowned all of them.

It could happen to anyone, says Dr Adnan Omar, Head of the Counselling and Psychological Services Centre, Taylor's University College.

Pre and post-natal emotions are not to be taken lightly and pregnant couples should watch out for anxiety during pregnancy and depression after delivery.

According to Dr Adnan, it could happen to not just new mothers but also women who already have a few children. In the case of Andrea Yates, she had five children and she did not want the last child.

“ Firstly, she had her children one after another, their ages were not widely spaced out. Secondly, the problem became accumulated. Thirdly, she had a very cold husband. Fourthly, she did not want to have her last child. The last pregnancy was forced upon her by her husband because he was 'religious' and of the opinion that the pregnancy was a gift from God that should not be refused.

“ There was a combination of all these factors that exploded in a very bad way,” explains Dr Adnan.

Post-partum depression is certainly more serious than pre-natal anxiety and/or depression, he informs. Dr Adnan believes that it all depends on the pregnant lady's coping mechanism, how supportive her husband is and her support network.

Spotting symptoms

Because families are not trained to spot depression, Dr Adnan says the gynaecologist is the one who should spot potential problems when he or she engages the pregnant woman during checkups.

Basically, baby blues last no more than two weeks. About 80% of all women who have given birth will have some extent of the baby blues.

The baby blues' symptoms include a disturbed sleep pattern, loss of weight and fatigue. The woman, her hormones and body should adjust by two weeks and these blues would go away.

“ If these symptoms persist then we know that it has developed to become post-partum depression. Usually, the fourth day after giving birth is the peak of all the hormones going up and down and it should settle down as you get more sleep and begin to bond with the baby. Any of these symptoms that persist beyond two weeks, needs to be looked into and dealt with because, if not dealt with, it can develop into post-partum psychosis,” warns Dr Adnan.

Post-partum depression checklist (if you have five out of the nine symptoms below you are medically depressed):

- Depressed – tearfulness, hopefulness, anxiety, feeling of emptiness

- Loss of pleasure in all or almost all of your daily activities

- Appetite and weight change

- Sleeping difficulty (even when your baby is sleeping)

- Restlessness, sluggishness

- Extreme fatigue or loss of energy

- Feelings of worthlessness, guilt with no reasonable cause

- Difficulty in concentrating and making decisions

- Thoughts of death and suicide, or even of harming your child/children

Post-partum psychosis checklist:

- Feeling removed from your baby, family and surroundings

- Disturbed sleep, even when your baby is sleeping

- Confused, disorganised thinking, risk of harming yourself, your baby or anyone else

- Drastic changes in mood and bizarre behaviour

- Extreme agitation and restlessness

- Unusual hallucinations (involving sight, smell or touch)

- Delusional thinking not based on reality

It is important that the spouse, partner and extended family is also familiar with these symptoms so that they can look out for them.

Family history

When women go for their pre-natal checkup the gynaecologist would find out the family history to check if there is any history of depression. One of the predictors of having depression is if there is a family history of it.

Family history is one of the red flags that would pop up indicating there could potentially be a problem.

Among the red flags that signal potential problems are:

- Family history – If there is a family history of depression; if this is an unplanned pregnancy; if the lady herself was an unplanned child.
- Fertility treatment – If you have had to go through fertility treatment to get pregnant, you will have a lot of “what if” scenarios going through your head.
- If the partner/husband is absent through divorce or separation or if you choose to be a single mother.
- If the partner/husband is there physically but is emotionally absent. Sometimes that is worse because you expect your partner to help out but he is not supportive. Either he's not interested or he just doesn't know how to help.
- Your personal strength – In your life how have you dealt with difficulties. Part of being human is that we learn certain ways of doing things. In our family, when things get rough how do we deal with it.

These are the kinds of things that the gynaecologist should be looking at during the pre-natal checkups.

Besides looking out for potential problems, the couple should also watch out for panic attacks which stem from anxiety. Anxiety has four components – feeling overwhelmed (physically and emotionally); breathlessness, chest pains and sweaty palms; recurrent thoughts of your health or your baby's health; and a feeling that something horrible is going to happen.

If there is anxiety during the pregnancy or any potential depression after the delivery, the woman should get help from her support network and even find ways to relieve and handle stress, and even talk about her anxieties.

“ If you have five out of the nine symptoms in the post-partum depression checklist you are medically depressed and medical professional intervention is needed.

“ I think, in Malaysia, we are too quick to prescribe anti-depressant pills. These pills are safe in terms of breastfeeding but in terms of emotional healing you need psychotherapy which means you need to provide support and do talk therapy. And you need to teach the woman coping skills and how to handle stress.

“ Ideally she should go for talk therapy where she discusses what is worrying her and why she has these fears. Is she worried about the finances; that she won't be a good mother? Medication will not help settle these matters. It's better to talk about it.

“ Of course that will take time but it will teach her life skills and help her deal better with problems and stress in the future,” says Dr Adnan.

He emphasises that nothing gets better if you don't do anything about it. So, if you are showing symptoms of anxiety and depression, speak to a professional about it.

If a lady has post-partum depression and it is not dealt with, it might become severe after the next child. These fears, thoughts and emotions must be dealt with and she needs to learn how to better manage the stress in her life.

“ If you are constantly asking yourself 'What if', 'What if', 'What if', the depression level gets higher and higher as the months progress. If the depression is dealt with, then the woman will be better equipped to handle the next pregnancy. That's the point of going for counselling – you learn life skills and you won't have to go again for counselling in future because you have already learnt the coping skills and you can apply them to the next pregnancy.

“ But, if it is not taken care of, then the depression could become worse for the second pregnancy,” says Dr Adnan.

In order to not become overwhelmed and get depressed, Dr Adnan suggests planning everything from the point you find out that you are pregnant.

“ If hiring a maid is needed, then hire now. If you need to get your mother-in-law involved, then bring her to a meeting and discuss what you need help with. The more you plan ahead, the better off you will be because you need to take some time off for yourself.

“ Some ladies say they're going to devote every minute of their life to this new baby and soon they find they are neglecting themselves. You need to bathe or shower and get back to the point where you like how you look. You need to take care of yourself. While you are taking care of yourself, somebody else needs to help take care of the baby, so you need to get some help and support,” he says.

He advises husbands to prioritise so that they can be there to support their wife during and after the pregnancy.

What can the husband/partner do?

- Know the symptoms of depression.
- Talk to the spouse/partner – Ask them what's worrying them and try to comfort and reassure them. The husband or partner would be in the best position to do this.
- Get help as soon as possible because the longer you wait, the worse it gets.

During pregnancy, ladies need to work on expectations:

- You're not an angel and you will make mistakes as you try to be a good mother.
- There is no one definition for what is a good mother.
- What are your expectations of yourself, your husband/partner, your work, your child – you have to be very realistic.
- Managing expectations especially if you have to juggle family issues or you have work issues or even a bossy mother-in-law.

The support network (maid, nanny, babysitter, extended family, friends) must be formed in advance and you need to start planning so that you don't feel overwhelmed.

Dr Adnan's final advice for pregnant women:

- Get as much knowledge as you can about pregnancy, emotions and post-partum depression and anxiety.
- Learn the symptoms.
- Plan before and after – the more planning you do, the better off you will be.
- Do not be afraid to ask for help – the more you ask, the more help you will find. If people judge you, it's not your problem; it's their problem.

Intimacy during pregnancy

If you are a first time getting pregnant... ever wondered if there would be a chance or is it risky to have intimacy during your pregnancy? Or........ can we, both partners, can withstand not having sex for 9 months? :)

With my only experience.... sex during pregnancy is kinda..... can be described as fantastic!! Rofl... guess its due to the reason that hormones and all senses are sharper than usual... but nevertheless, my 9 months of pregnancy was still like normal although like doctors recommend, not every... "style" is applicable! ROFL....

Anyways.. I found an interesting article on The Star Online website regarding this topic... and just... merely wanted to share this remarkable article with everyone that drops by....

Wednesday March 17, 2010

Intimacy during pregnancy
THE DOCTOR SAYS By DR MILTON LUM


Numerous concerns often lead to a downturn in sexual activity when a woman is pregnant.


IT IS common for women who are pregnant for the first time, to wonder whether sexual intercourse will affect the developing foetus.

The common questions include whether sexual intercourse will harm the foetus or cause infection and whether it can lead to miscarriage or premature labour.

Another common question in the last trimester of pregnancy is what position to use and if any position is safer than others.

There are many bodily changes in pregnancy that affects a woman’s sex life.

Some women feel sexier. Others are not in the mood, especially when they have nausea and vomiting in the first trimester.

Some women report an increase in libido in the second trimester. When the third trimester comes along, many women report a decrease in libido.


The variation in feelings and experiences are normal. It is important to remember that there is no norm. The feelings and experiences may also vary in the same woman in different pregnancies.

There is an increase in the blood flow to the reproductive organs during pregnancy, causing them to engorge. This increases sensation in some women but is uncomfortable in other women, to the extent that sexual intercourse may be painful.


An orgasm can cause an increase in uterine activity with contractions felt especially in the third trimester. The contractions last a few minutes and then go away, just like the Braxton Hicks contractions.

There may also be changes in the spouse or partner. His interest may wane in the third trimester because of a variety of reasons. It may be because of concern about the health of the pregnant woman and/or fear of harming the pregnant woman and/or the foetus. There may also be anxiety about impending parenthood.


Normal pregnancy
The developing foetus lies in a fluid-filled sac within the uterus. The sac and the uterine muscles protect the foetus from harm. There is a plug of mucus in the cervix that prevents infection from ascending from the vagina into the uterus.

Orgasm may cause some uterine activity which, however, does not harm the foetus. This increased uterine activity is not the same as the contractions that one gets in early labour. So it is safe for women with a normal pregnancy to have sexual intercourse during pregnancy even right up to the time when labour starts.

There is no relationship between sexual intercourse and miscarriage and premature labour in women with a normal pregnancy. In fact, there are reports that women who had regular sex during pregnancy were less likely to go into premature labour.


Sex during pregnancy may also enhance the relationship with the spouse or partner during the pregnancy and after childbirth.


It is important to confirm with the doctor on a regular basis that there are no pregnancy problems and that the pregnancy is normal.

There are certain conditions which, if present, would result in the doctor advising to refrain from sexual intercourse.


The doctor should be consulted without delay if there is bleeding and/or pain during pregnancy, whether associated with sexual intercourse or not.

An obstetric examination and an ultrasound will usually be done to elucidate the cause of the bleeding and/or pain and reassure that the foetus is all right.


The placenta may sometimes lie on the cervix (placenta praevia). In such a situation, the doctor will advise refraining from vaginal intercourse altogether.



If there is recurrent bleeding and there is no placenta praevia, the doctor may advise a reduction in the frequency of sex. This does not mean that one cannot partake of other forms of sexual activity.



The risk of infection to the foetus is not increased if the man does not have a sexually transmitted infection. If he does, it should be treated and once cured, sexual intercourse can be resumed. However, if the man has herpes, it would be advisable to refrain from sexual intercourse. If a pregnant woman gets genital herpes for the first time, there is a small likelihood that the foetus would be infected.



The doctor would also advise the pregnant woman to refrain from sexual intercourse if there is leakage of the fluid in the sac (liquor) surrounding the foetus because of the risk of infection of the liquor and through it, the foetus, as well. If there is a history of weakness of the cervix, it would also be advisable to refrain from sexual intercourse.


As the abdomen increases in size with advancing pregnancy, the woman may be uncomfortable with the traditional man on top position. It is advisable to find alternative positions. By trying out various other positions, the couple will find one that they are both comfortable with.

It is safe to have sexual intercourse in a normal pregnancy. It is important to check with the doctor on a regular basis that there are no pregnancy problems.



The doctor may advise refraining from sexual intercourse when certain conditions are present. One would need to adapt as pregnancy advances.

■ Dr Milton Lum is a member of the board of Medical Defence Malaysia. This article is not intended to replace, dictate or define evaluation by a qualified doctor. The views expressed do not represent that of any organisation the writer is associated with.

Malaysian teachers say ‘no’ to sex education

Ok... I found this totally amusing and interesting article...... that was on The Star online.... Its title caught my eye....... regarding the sex education in our country.....

I wonder when are people gonna realize the importance of this sex education amongst the younger generation? Why... are we.... living in the stone ages? Where everything seems to be a big big taboo?

Published: Tuesday March 2, 2010 MYT 3:26:00 PM
Updated: Tuesday March 2, 2010 MYT 3:49:36 PM

Malaysian teachers say ‘no’ to sex education (Updated)

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysian teachers are saying “no” to teaching sex education in schools.

They lack professional training in teaching the subject, National Union of Teaching Profession (NUTP) secretary-general Lok Yim Pheng said Tuesday.

She said while the union fully supported the Government’s move to provide sex education in schools, “sadly, the teachers lack formal training in the complexity and sensitivity of the subject and are not confident to teach it.”

Lok said the teachers were afraid they might be sued by the parents “if they were to make mistakes in imparting the knowledge of sex to the pupils.”

Malaysia is a multiracial, religious and cultural nation with each ethnic group having its own notion on the subject, which made the teaching more challenging, she noted.

The NUTP is the country’s biggest teachers union representing 160,000 teachers, which is approximately half the teaching profession.

Lok said the union wanted the Education Ministry to first hold discussions with stakeholders on the pros and cons of the move before making a firm decision.

Currently, the subject was taught in “bits and pieces” from the primary level to secondary level, in the absence of a proper structured course.

Of late, sex education has become a very important issue in the country, with an increasing number of unwed mothers, many of them students.

Meanwhile, a Bernama survey among students, parents and teachers showed that all groups were in favour of sex education but were unsure of the form and content of the course.

Teenage student Jayaraman said he was all for it, but was unsure what and how the teachers were going to teach because “we have more girls than boys in our class and most of our teachers are female.”

Abdul Raof Bidin, 38, who has two school-going children, felt that it was necessary to teach the subject.

“It should be handled with care as it could easily be misconstrued and do more harm than good, if wrongly imparted,” he said.

Another parent, M. Arumugam, 44, believes it was better for medical professionals like doctors and nurses to impart the subject to students.

”Maybe the Education Ministry should consult the Health Ministry and come up with some kind of arrangement for teachers to be provided with on-the-job training,” he said.

Betty Lee, who has been a teacher for 24 years, felt that the subject was best handled by “teachers who themselves are mothers and know how to handle such a complex subject.”

”With due respect, not all teachers can teach the subject, and the ministry should be very careful in selecting the right candidate for the job,” said the 50-year-old. -- Bernama

All stand up and say no to cigarettes please... especially if you really love your baby.. ^^

Mummy smokers outside.... do take care! Have fun reading!

No smoke near the baby, please

17 February 2010

THE DOCTOR SAYS
By Dr MILTON LUM

NOT many smokers know what they are consuming when they light up a cigarette. The tobacco in cigarettes is usually blended from two types of tobacco leaves, which have about 2.5% to 4% nicotine. The cigarette is designed to deliver a steady dose of nicotine to the smoker.

In addition to the tobacco leaf, the cigarette contains fillers made from other parts of the tobacco plant and they are mixed with various flavours and additives. The additives increase the acceptability of the cigarette to the smoker as well as increase the addictiveness of cigarettes. The additives include sugars, which make it easier to inhale the smoke, and flavourings like mint. Some of these are harmless by themselves but when taken in combination with other substances, they may be harmful.

It is usual for the cigarettes, sold today, to have a filter at the mouth end. The filters, which are produced from cellulose, trap some of the smoke and tar from the inhaled smoke. Claims have been made that filtered brands contain less tar than others. There are also claims that they are safer because of the filters but these claims are poorly substantiated. But the fact remains that there is no such thing as a safe cigarette.

Tobacco smoke

The effects of cigarette smoking depend on the quantity smoked, type of cigarette and how the tobacco is prepared. There are two types of smoke from a cigarette: the mainstream smoke from the mouth end or filter, and the sidestream smoke from the burning tip of the cigarette. When a smoker inhales, the cigarette has been found to burn at 700°C at the tip and 60°C at the core. The tobacco is broken down to produce numerous chemicals, which are released into the atmosphere as invisible gases and particles, with the smoke making up 5% to 8% of a cigarette’s output. The gases include carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, hydrogen cyanide and dimethylnitrosamine. The particles include nicotine, benzene, benzopyrene and tar.

Most smokers are unaware of the uses of some of the gases and particles found in tobacco smoke. Formaldehyde is used to embalm the dead; acetone to remove nail varnish; benzene as a petrol additive; and cyanide in gas chambers during WWII.

Carbon monoxide, a toxic gas found in motor vehicle exhaust fumes, is present in all cigarette smoke. This poisonous gas attaches itself to the haemoglobin in the blood more readily than oxygen, thereby reducing the ability of the blood to carry oxygen. Britain’s Royal College of Physicians has reported a 15% reduction in the oxygen carrying capability of heavy smokers.

Nicotine is contained in the moisture of the tobacco leaf. When the cigarette is lit, the nicotine evaporates and attaches itself to the droplets in the tobacco smoke inhaled by the smoker.

It is absorbed very rapidly by the body and reaches the brain within 10 to 15 seconds. Nicotine stimulates the central nervous system and increases the heart rate and blood pressure, resulting in an increased need for more oxygen. Nicotine is a very powerful drug. When 60mg of pure nicotine is placed on an individual’s tongue, it kills within minutes. Nicotine causes addiction in the similar manner as heroin and cocaine. Nicotine deprivation leads to a strong craving, which is accompanied by anxiety, irritability, hunger, restlessness and decreased concentration.

All cigarettes produce tar in varying amounts. It is always taken into the body when a smoker inhales the smoke in a lit cigarette. The tar, which is composed of many chemicals, contains known cancer-causing agents (carcinogens). They include compounds like formaldehyde, arsenic, cyanide, benzopyrene, benzene, toluene and acrolein. When the tar condenses, it forms the sticky brown substance that stains the smokers’ teeth and fingers yellow brown.

Some of the contents of tobacco smoke are irritants and more than 50 of the compounds are carcinogens or toxins. A study, which was reported in the respected journal, Science, has established a link between smoking and lung cancer at the cellular level. Other substances are known or suspected mutagens that can cause permanent and harmful changes in the genetic materials in the cells.

Low-tar cigarettes

When it became known about half a century ago that the tar in the tobacco smoke was associated with an increased risk of lung cancer, a programme was established to gradually reduce the tar content of cigarettes. Studies from the United States report that the widespread usage of low-tar cigarettes has not prevented an increase in lung cancer among older male Americans. The presumed advantage of low tar cigarettes has been largely offset by an increase in the number of cigarettes smoked and/or deeper inhalation, because of the smokers’ need to compensate for the lower nicotine content in low tar cigarettes.

Pregnancy

The single most preventable cause of illness and death in mothers and infants is smoking. Female and male smokers have decreased fertility. The sperm quality of smokers is impaired with decreases in the count, motility and form. There may be erectile difficulties. It is believed that smoking affects sex hormone production in the female and egg transport in the fallopian tubes to the uterus.

A foetus gets all its nutrients and oxygen from the pregnant woman via the placenta and umbilical cord. A pregnant woman exposed to tobacco smoke will transmit the toxins in it to the foetus. The carbon monoxide content of foetal blood is increased leading to it containing less oxygen than normal, which means that the foetal heart has to beat harder on every occasion the pregnant woman inhales tobacco smoke. The toxins of tobacco smoke also affects placental function and hence, foetal nutrition.

Women who smoke during pregnancy are at increased risk of miscarriage and stillbirth. They have double the risk of premature rupture of the membranes, placental abruption and placenta praevia, all of which can lead to prematurity and even stillbirth.

The babies of mothers exposed to tobacco smoke are at increased risk of prematurity and low birth weight, that is, below 2.5kg. Their babies’ organs are smaller than that of non-smokers’ babies. These babies’ lung function is poorer and they are more likely to get middle ear infections and asthmatic bronchitis in early childhood. Their likelihood of cot death (sudden infant death syndrome) is increased by 1.5 to 3 times. They are sick more often than babies of non-smokers. In addition, the babies are more likely to become smokers when they grow up.

Cessation

It is never too late to cease smoking. The damage from smoking can be reversed when there is cessation of smoking. There is evidence that women who cease smoking in mid-pregnancy gave birth to babies with the same average birth weight as non-smokers. Many women smokers ceased smoking during their pregnancies and never smoked again.

The greatest gift that a pregnant smoker can give to her unborn child is to cease smoking. It is important to remember that the foetus is totally dependent on the mother to prevent toxins from poisoning him or her.

Dr Milton Lum is a member of the board of Medical Defence Malaysia. This article is not intended to replace, dictate or define evaluation by a qualified doctor. The views expressed do not represent that of any organisation the writer is associated with.