Today, I feel like I do not belong

Fa Abdul

 | September 17, 2015

Why was the hatred that was spewed at the rally met with silence? Why did the Malay leaders not speak out against it?

COMMENT

A few weeks ago, while my friends and I were having a late supper at a mamak place in Jalan Ipoh, an elderly Malay gentleman in his 70s invited himself to our table. He then congratulated us on being ‘friends’.

“It is such a rarity to see people of different races having gatherings such as this,” he said as he shook our hands and took some time to get to know each of us.

My friends and I found it pretty amusing. We didn’t see anything unusual about us hanging out together. I mean, we do lots of things together all the time – we put on theatre shows, we handle acting workshops, play board games, celebrate birthdays, go on holidays, have potlucks and cookouts, watch movies, enjoy karaoke sessions… we even find comfort in each other when a shoulder to cry on is greatly needed.

While it was nice being applauded by the Malay gentleman for holding on to the Malaysian spirit, I thought it was kind of sad to have someone congratulate you for having friends of other races. I mean shouldn’t this be the norm in a country which takes pride in its multiracial status?

Today I finally understand the Malay gentleman’s surprise at the closeness he observed between the multiracial group he came across sharing a meal at the mamak shop. Maybe, we were never meant to be together after all.

As I browsed through reports on the Red Shirts gathering, and watched the video clips of what transpired and what the protestors and spokesperson of the rally had to say, my heart sank.

“Enough is enough. This is our land. Menjadi warganegara bukan bermakna kita ada hak bersama. Pendatang is pendatang. Babi is babi.”

The people I saw preaching those words weren’t people who had been dragged over and paid to say such things. They seemed like intelligent people. They seemed like my peers. They could have been my neighbours and my colleagues.

If educated young Malay folks had such strong hatred for the non-Malays, I fear for my future in this country I call my home.

But why? What have I done wrong to be treated in such a despicable way? Is it my fault that my ancestors weren’t Malay? Is it my fault that I have Indian blood running through my veins?

I have been a good child to my motherland all these years. And I can’t put into words how much I love and treasure my Malaysia. But today I feel like I do not belong here.

I used to believe that my Malay friends were the real Malays while those inciting hatred were puppets under the influence of others. But today as our atmosphere filled with so much hatred, my world came tumbling down. I did not see anyone standing up for me.

While some of my Malay friends ridiculed the Red Shirts Rally and some posted pictures with hashtags #IamMalaysian, the rest remained silent. As for me, I tried very hard to crack some jokes on social media to take my attention away from what the rally had turned into. But after a few attempts, I couldn’t keep it up. It had gotten to me.

The thing is, if only the Malay leaders who had been so opposed to the Red Shirts Rally, would have uttered a few words to console our bleeding hearts, it would have made a difference. It would have been much appreciated. If only my Malay friends had offered words of comfort to ease our troubled minds, instead of joking about images of Air Asia stewardesses dressed in red…that would have meant a lot.

I find myself wishing they had been a little bit more sensitive. Is that too much to ask?

All my life I have been proud to be Malaysian. All my life I have been confident that if I was hanging on a cliff, my Malaysian brothers and sisters could be counted on to give me a hand. Today, I am not sure.

In my 40 years of life, I have contributed to this country and its people in so many ways. I have raised my two children to love this nation and to contribute to society when they are capable of standing on their own two feet. I have even written articles calling those who abandoned this country for another as unpatriotic. But today, I ask myself if I was wrong all along.

Maybe this isn’t my country. Maybe I do not belong here. Do I sound bitter? Trust me, it’s nothing compared to how I feel inside.

For what it is worth, thank you Malaysia for putting me in my place.

Original Artilce : Today I Feel Like I Do Not Belong (Clickable Link)

Dark Secrets

Wednesday February 18, 2015

Do you have a dark secret that you´ve kept from others? Maybe you did something you think is so bad that if people found out about it they would have nothing to do with you. Perhaps you´re hooked on watching porn or you struggle with substance abuse. Maybe you´re carrying deep hatred for someone who hurt you.

Some people think that it´s best to keep such skeletons tucked away in a closet. But as one man learned, keeping dark secrets can be its own punishment.

In 2 Samuel 11 we see the story of how David Israel´s second king, chose to have sex with another man´s wife and got her pregnant. When he was unable to cover it up, he arranged for the woman´s husband to be placed on the front lines where he died in battle. Shortly thereafter he married the grieving widow (2 Samuel 11:1-27).

For over a year, David hid his secret. He didn´t tell a single soul, refusing even to discuss it with God. But keeping it hush-hush tore him up inside. In Psalm 32, David wrote about this time in his life, "When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long" (v.3). The torture of hiding his secret ended when he broke down and confessed what he had done.

"Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stoppe trying to hide my guilt. And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone" (v.5; see also 2 Samuel 12:1-13).

Are you hiding a secret that´s making you sick inside? Confess it to the Lord and consider sharing it with someone safe who won´t be put off, won´t put you down, nor pull away from you. You´ll discover one of the "best kept secrets" of life - the power of vulnerably confessing our faults to each other (James 5:16). - Jeff Olson

Read
Psalm 32:1-11
Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man
whose sin the Lord does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent, 
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgressions to the Lord"
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the Lord´s unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Psalm 51:1-12
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins 
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Question to Ponder
What´s keeping you from confessing your dark secret sins to God?
How does unconfessed sin affect you and those you love?`

**Article taken from ODJ (Our Daily Journey with God) Dec 2014 - Feb 2015 issue