Christmas away from home

It´s finally December, the end of 2011, and with it marks my daughter and I being away from Malaysia for 10 months altogether. This year, we would be celebrating our first christmas away from what we known all our lives as our home. I wonder what is it like having Christmas in Malaysia this year? I will miss all the merry making from everyone´s houses, the parties, the happy present openings and laughter and the joy of just travelling around to all the malls taking the Christmas decorations. As we continue to embark on the journey of our new lives here in Germany, we face our first Xmas in this cold chilly weather of Winter.


Amelia and myself was hoping we would see a White Christmas actually for our first Christmas here in Germany. We journeyed all the way back to Kiel, Germany - hubby´s hometown - for our first traditional Christmas Celebration with his parents. A 3 hour first class train ride brought us only to Kiel at 6pm in the evening, when all sunlight or even daylight is gone from the skies. The weather here - for winter - is absolutely cold and wet. Skies are gloomy, reminding me of Gloomy London. And the fact that it is even more windy here as it is in the coast and by the sea...... is even colder.


Traditional Christmas here is somewhat different. I guess the Christmas that is normally celebrated in Malaysia is based on the American all time Christmas. Even the Christmas tree decoration doesnt have a star or Angel at the top of the tree. Apparently they don´t put it and according to hubby, the Americans only have such things on it. For Christmas here in Germany, instead of the usual turkey that many eat back home or.... in the US, we have Roasted Goose for dinner.


Mother in Law cooks alot of German dishes, many which I myself haven´t tried or eaten before. It was a good experience for me this Christmas.... both me and Amelia. From eating the various dishes of German food to the traditional ways and methods of celebrating Christmas. It´s a new experience for us both indeed....


But one thing, even I know my daughter definitely agrees with.....


We really miss my mum and dad and the usual Christmas noise we have back home in Malaysia.......

Season of goodwill

This article that I read in the Star Online webportal is indeed inspiring as it actually shows, although the "minority" is SMALL.... but thank God we have Malaysian muslims that actually have a good head on their shoulder and know how to think properly and logically and not like that ten thousand people who are thinking ironically at the moment in the country of Malaysia. We should have more people like so...... why do Malaysians enjoy behaving like as if they belong in the "cave men" century and is not even modernized with just one bit?

For those of you who can´t go to the link above, enjoy reading the article below :

Sunday January 9, 2011

Season of goodwill

MIND MATTER
By RAJA ZARITH IDRIS

If Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Isa (Jesus), a prophet respected and revered in Islam, is it so wrong to wish a blessed day for those who celebrate it?

DURING the days before Christmas last year, I wished my friends who were celebrating it “Merry Christmas” in much the same way they would wish me “Selamat Hari Raya” or “Happy Eid”.

I find it rather sad that such a simple greeting – one which I grew up with and which I have never regarded as something that would compromise or de-value my own faith – is now regarded as something so religiously incorrect for us Malaysian Muslims.

When I was at boarding school in England, I had to go to church every Sunday because it was part of the rules. My father advised me to consider it as part of my “education” and he had no doubt that the experience would strengthen rather than weaken my own faith.

I was able to see the similarities and differences between Christianity and Islam. I learned more than the average Malaysian Muslim would about Christianity. I learnt that just as we Muslims categorise ourselves according to the four different schools of thoughts of the four Imams (Imam Malik, Imam Al Shafi, Imam Abu Hanifa and Imam Ahmad Abn Hambal) and are either Sunnis or Shias, so Christians too are divided into different sects or churches.

Going to church did not make me less of a Muslim when I was a young girl, and neither does saying “Merry Christmas” make me less of a Muslim now. My faith has not been shaken just because I wished some friends a time of joy with their families. Neither will I suddenly suffer from amnesia and forget what my religion is.

What I do not wish to forget, however, is that there are good, kind people who are not of the same faith as me.

As Harun Yahya, the Turkish writer (he was selected last year as one of the 500 most influential Muslims in the world by the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Centre of Jordan) noted: “Islam is a religion of peace, love and tolerance.

Today, however, some circles have been presenting a false image of Islam, as if there were conflict between Islam and the adherents of the two other monotheistic religions. Yet Islam’s view of Jews and Christians, who are named ‘the People of the Book’ in the Quran, is very friendly and tolerant.

“This attitude towards the People of the Book developed during the years of the birth of Islam. At that time, Muslims were a minority, struggling to protect their faith and suffering oppression and torture from the pagans of the city of Mecca. Due to this persecution, some Muslims decided to flee Mecca and shelter in a safe country with a just ruler. The Prophet Muhammad told them to take refuge with King Negus, the Christian king of Ethiopia. The Muslims who followed this advice found a very fair administration that embraced them with love and respect when they went to Ethiopia. King Negus refused the demands of the pagan messengers who asked him to surrender the Muslims to them, and announced that Muslims could live freely in his country.

“Such attitudes of Christian people that are based on the concepts of compassion, mercy, modesty and justice, constitute a fact that God has pointed out in the Quran.”

I do not wish to be a self-centred Muslim who expects friends of other faiths to wish me Selamat Hari Raya or, for those who are not Malaysians and therefore do not know about Hari Raya, a Happy Eid and yet do not return their goodwill when it is Christmas, Chinese New Year, Deepavali or Vesak Day.

Every year, friends who are Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs or those without any faith come to our home to celebrate Hari Raya with us. They do so with sincerity and as a mark of respect for one of the most important days in the Muslim calendar. Why should we not reciprocate their kindness, show them the same mark of respect for their religion and wish them the same joy on their holy days of celebration?

An Islamic scholar and lecturer also reminded me that as Muslims we must remember the importance of both the five Pillars of Islam and in the six Pillars of Iman (Faith), which are:

> Belief in Allah;

> Belief in the angels;

> Belief in the revealed Books (which include the Bible, the Torah and the Holy Quran);

> Belief in the Prophets (May Peace be Upon Them);

> Belief in the Resurrection and the events of Kiamah, the Day of Judgement; and

> Belief in the predestination (Qada’ and Qadar) by Allah in all things.

The prophets include not just Muhammad (May Peace Be Upon Him) as the last prophet and as the Messenger of Islam, but also in the 24 earlier ones who are mentioned in both the Bible and the Quran. Four of them are Ibrahim (Abraham), Musa (Moses), Daud (David), and Isa (Jesus).

So, if Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Isa (Jesus), a prophet respected and revered in Islam, is it so wrong to wish a blessed day for those who celebrate it?

We are now in the second decade of the 21st century. Surely, we should, now more than ever, be far more enlightened at a time when information of any sort and of all kinds are so readily available to us.

What is most important is that we regard one another as fellow citizens and treat each other with respect, regardless of our race or religion.

> The writer is Royal Fellow, School of Language Studies and Linguistics, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM), and holds a BA (Honours) degree in Chinese Studies, University of Oxford.

You´re an Energizer!

So I found this interesting quiz which is all based on photograph selection of various questions. You can check it out here if you want to.


Am amazed with what it wrote for me :) Somewhat most of it is quite accurate and right - in my opinion of myself :) Wanted to "print screen" and then have it here, but then, needed to manually edit each and everyone of it, hence I decided to copy and paste all that was written :)


Spirit
You're an Energizer. You're a real people person and thrive on social interaction. Generous and caring, you have a strong vocation to help others and get lots of satisfaction from being able to make a difference to their lives. It takes a lot to stress you out and throw you off balance. You seem pretty centred and organized right now. Give yourself a pat on the back! When it comes to bringing positive change to your life, don't try to move mountains. Baby steps are definitely the way forward. For example, if you'd like to lose weight, don't set yourself up to fail with unrealistic goals. Be kind to yourself and remember that slow and steady wins the race. You really enjoy the buzz you get from feeling connected to others. And no more so than with your partner. A loving relationship is a huge source of strength and support for you in life.


Relationship
You have a very traditional view of building a home and family and believe in making strong commitments. As a Rock Steady, it's important to you that your relationship feels secure. You tend to be realistic about what makes a lifelong relationship work and understand the value of forging a love based on friendship and respect. You believe that a true partnership is about sharing responsibility and being able to count on one another through whatever life throws at you. This feeling has probably grown even more since the kids arrived. Creating a true sense of honesty and support means your love will grow as the years go by.

Relationship tips:

So you're a Rock Steady but what tips can we give for keeping the magic alive in your relationship?

1. Rekindle the romance. Get up with the lark and meet at a local market to buy beautiful flowers and feast on a yummy breakfast
2. Do something different. Take a cocktail-making class together at a local bar. It'll be lots of fun with plenty of tasting to be done!
3. Take it easy. Imagine you're on holiday in your own city. Do the fun things tourists would do and capture it all on film with a disposable camera.
4. Let your inhibitions go. If it rains, grab the chance to run wild in the puddles and have lots of fun getting soaked to the skin and then warming up afterwards!

Money

You're a techie, and you love to have the best new gadgets. You like your technology sleek and fast, so would love to be able to upgrade to the newest models whenever possible. The true mark of success for you is a happy home. It is the main focus of your life and the center of all your aspirations. You're happiest when you feel settled and comfortable. True fulfillment for you is in having strong, loving relationships with family and friends. If they're healthy and happy, that's all that matters to you

Health

You're on the right track with your health. You love feeling rejuvenated after a good night's sleep. You're an endorphin junkie, and nothing beats exercise to make you look and feel fantastic. You have excellent reserves of energy and live life at a fast pace. Anything else would feel like slow motion. You probably grab every opportunity to do a little extra exercise - walking up escalators, jogging home from the store. And if you don't get your heart rate up regularly, you can end up feeling like a bit of a slob. Just be careful that you don't get too obsessed. No one wants to hear how many sit-ups you've done!

Home

If you were given the opportunity to live your dream life, chances are you'd feel more at home settled in a cute country cottage than living it up in a mansion. Your low-key attitude means you'd prefer to get away from the stresses of city life and take it easy, perhaps spending your time in a colorful garden. Fresh air, birds chirping and home-grown veggies for dinner...what's not to like?

Entertainment

Asking about the latest book you're reading is probably the best way to get you talking! What better way to chill out and unwind than a good book that takes you faraway from everyday life? Escapism at its best!

Style

You like to take things easy. Life's busy enough without having to worry about getting dressed up every day. It's about maximum comfort with a splash of style, so it's hard to beat your favorite pair of jeans. But don't forget how good it can feel to give yourself a makeover every now and then. It can work wonders for your self-esteem to refresh your wardrobe, spruce up your hair and put on a great dress. So make sure you schedule a shopping trip and pampering session every few months. You deserve it!

Travel

You're open-minded and a positive thinker, so when you get the chance to go traveling, you love to head somewhere exotic and off the beaten track. For you, escapism is the ultimate in relaxation. It's the perfect antidote to the stress of everyday life. You love the feel of the sun and sea on your skin, so your perfect vacation would definitely include a beach. Even better if it's secluded and undiscovered by hordes of tourists!

Obedient Wives Club

I always knew that the Obedient Wives Club is a loony.. but never knew this loony. This video, which I found via a friend from facebook, shows an interview with the members and the President of the club.

Makes me really wonder what these women are really thinknig about..... wives being better than a first class prostitute! Oh gosh... they actually degraded themselves to the level of a prostitute? Irregardless of what class the prostitute is?! How could any sane person ever think of comparing themselves with a prostitute?! Especially when they are the legal and binding wife of a man?! What makes you think that by being more than a "first class prostitute" the man won´t stray away from you?

Ooooooo of all the insanity and stupidity, why in the world Malaysia seems to be going more and more backward with silly stuff like these?

November 2011

The time has indeed passed. It´s already mid of November, and Autumn is now getting colder and colder, days are gloomier as day goes by. Gloomier and colder. However, nature seems to be even more splendid during the Autumn season, despite the tragic cold that is getting colder and colder as day goes by.

I can´t say that November is indeed a splendid month. Reason is I have been completely and very sick since beginning of November and am still sick. Have been out of school and not attending classes for 2 weeks now. Got attacked with a very severe headache. Initially I thought it was just an ordinary headache, which after a while I thought was a migraine but the pain grew worse. Ended up doing a CT Scan and blood test, which thankfully tested out negative for any cancerous things in my brains. Then, we thought it was the increase of power in my eyes.... so a trip to the optician and 200 euro down the drain for new glasses for both me and hubby, but yet the pain is still there. So now, all the doctor say is, try to get on like normal with life, if pain is unbearable, get the medication and if it gets worse, the next trip will be to the neurologist! *sighs* Happy Autumn for me huh?


Amelia is enjoying the weather at the moment. Like every other kid, she enjoys kicking up and messing the already messy streets with kicking up all the fallen leaves that are on the ground! She actually finds the cool weather nice, although her nose is kinda running like a marathon at the moment, but somehow, she was a kid that always loved the cold more than the hotness! ;) But this cold weather makes her even more a trying kid to get to bathe! Due to the coldness she always tries escaping bathing in the evening, even though I tried bathing her earlier than normally.

The sun now sets as early as 330pm nowadays. By 6pm in the evening, the scenario or the outside looks like as if it is in the middle of the night! And in the morning, when we go out to go to school, it looks like as if its at hmmmmm............. 7pm in Malaysia! ROFL.... the daylight days are definitely getting shorter and shorter as winter approaches at our door steps!

The only thing I really enjoyed most is that the woods is indeed a beautiful sight not to be missed. With all the trees getting bare and some ever green trees still standing tall in their greenery, the woods is a very beautiful sight to see! Especially the river bank. In the morning, bout 930am, the Duckie families will be having their regular swimming time in the river, excluding the baby ducklings of course! ;) But then, the river will be filled with their quackings and their splashing, I just enjoy watching them quietly from atop the bridge or just hidden at the river bank, taking their photos or even video recording them! This is something you can´t just find in natural back in KL!


I can´t believe that the year is ending, let alone can´t believe that we are already 11 months here in Germany. So much has changed, so much as improved and especially for my baby girl. Growing up and growing more into a "kid monster" (It´s that stage of a kid...... copying everything their peers does, pushing their luck with you and worse... the manners... OMG diminishing tremendously!!!!). Nevertheless, I still love her. And most importantly, I am proud of her! So is Sven, although sometimes he grows bananas faster than I am as he and Amelia still tries blending in together with each other. It´s a great process to watch... Amazing at times, and the both of them can really drive me up the walls at times, especially when I become sandwiched in the middle *Faints*

But I am still proud. Super duper proud! I am proud and I am extremely happy (in a big way).


Amelia and I have gotten the 2nd chance in life, and in having a complete family. I have found a man who truly loves me for who I am, irregardless of how ironic, demanding, nagging and silly I can be at times; a man who truly loves my daughter as his own kid - protecting her, caring for her, guiding her, disciplining her and most importantly LOVING her UNCONDITIONALLY; and...... a man who is willingly unconditionally without asking, sacrificing time from work / friends or even gaming to just spend time out with his family - especially on weekends!


I guess it´s a western thing? People here are more family oriented compared to the Asians I grew up with in Malaysia (and I thought Asians are more family oriented... proved me wrong!) The men here, even the ones I see on the streets, actually take the time and initiative to spend more time with their families - wives and kids - on weekends. Weekends, you´d see endless families in the woods just lazing around having picnics with their familes - playing ball with the kids, grilling etc (during summer especially) or just walking around in fun fairs and such! Here, family is always first. Even in the career world.


Sometimes...... I think mankind should just sit down with each other, and talk....... we have the wrong perception of the western people... and believe me... the western people definitely have the damn wrong perception of Asian people! Heard enough from many people to know!


But then again.... oh well..... that´s life!
Time to welcome Winter soon and just be thankful with my miniature family :) 

A Thousand Years

Lyrics | Christina Perri lyrics - A Thousand Years lyrics

Heartbeats fast 

Colors and promises 

How to be brave 

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall 

But watching you stand alone 

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow 

One step closer 

I have died everyday waiting for you 

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you 

For a thousand years 

I love you for a thousand more 

Time stands still 

Beauty in all she is 

I will be brave 

I will not let anything take away 

What's standing in front of me 

Every breath 

Every hour has come to this 

One step closer 

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/c/christina+perri/a+thousand+years_20986324.html ] 

I have died everyday waiting for you 

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you 

For a thousand years 

I love you for a thousand more 

And all along I believed I would find you 

Time has brought your heart to me 

I have loved you for a thousand years 

I love you for a thousand more 

One step closer 

One step closer 

I have died everyday waiting for you 

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you 

For a thousand years 

I love you for a thousand more 

And all along I believed I would find you 

Time has brought your heart to me 

I have loved you for a thousand years 

I love you for a thousand more

The song sounds beautiful and the lyrics mean even more..... They indeed chose a very good song this time to accompany the movie... ^^

Scary weather

It's break time. Everyone left together for food and I'm staying behind. Looking outside the classroom window, I get to see many trees and "miniature" forests... But what scares the most is the dark clouds threatening the skies and the cold wind blowing through. Guess what hubby say bout the Autumn storms are true. They are finally approaching! *sighs*

It's finally coming to an end, the week. I've not had problems attending classes in a long time and now this feeling arises again makes me somewhat uncomfortable. The class has grown bigger, from the mere 8 - 10 people, after the autumn holidays suddenly the class boomed to a 20 people class with majority speaking Turkish again.

The amusing part is barely anyone speaks english except me, Sara and Samson. Samson is quite a loner, newly joined after our Autumn holidays. Shane has gone missing in action for months now since the Summer holidays. Sara, well she sits with the other Turkish and another lady from Macadonia.

German grammar sucks big time. If you ever curse bout English grammar, then pray for your good fortune that you're not encountering the German grammar like I am at the moment.

Seriously, sometimes I can't help but wonder... Why is it that so many people choose to migrate here. Don't get me wrong, life here is definitely better than in Malaysia. But if it weren't because I met and fell in love for someone from here, I won't voluntarily move here.

I envy people here at times. They are much more family oriented than back home. The men actually take the time to be part with their family on weekends. Unlike our workaholic men back home, men here dedicate their weekends to their family.

Oh well... Who am I to say or complain?

We still have our differences. But I'll make the best of things. Though one thing I really wish..... To be rid of this dependence"ness" and be independent once again.....

I wonder how long will this take....

Wishing the weather will be much more better than it is at the moment


**Posted from my iPhone®, sorry if there's any spelling / grammartical errors **

Location:Brunnenstraße,Berlin,Germany

The Book Of Love

Lyrics | Peter Gabriel - Book Of Love lyrics

男人不该让女人流泪

你说我让你看不清楚
你说你害怕在爱中迷途
舍不得你哭
如果是我让你觉得无助
让我告诉你
我对这一切有多在乎
如何证明我深情的吻
才能呵护你脆弱的灵魂
我愿用生命阻挡任何能伤害你的人
就算被冷落
就算犯错
我都不走
喔~相信我无悔无求
我愿为你放弃所有
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为
喔~相信我别再闪躲
我愿陪你
直到最后
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为
相信我
如何证明我深情的吻
才能呵护你脆弱的灵魂
我愿用生命阻挡任何能伤害你的人
就算被冷落
就算犯错
我都不走
喔~相信我无悔无求
我愿为你放弃所有
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为
喔~相信我别再闪躲
我愿陪你
直到最后
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为
相信我
喔~相信我无悔无求
我愿为你放弃所有
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为
喔~相信我别再闪躲
我愿陪你
直到最后
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为
相信我

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm... a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Lost Inspiration

It´s 2am here at the moment.


Am reading some poetry online while watching my favourite Anime Sailor Moon (The last of their series before I venture in to the movies - though I am trying to get the Japanese version and trying not to watch it in English xD)....... Reading some poems online makes me long to take up my pen and start composing my poems again....


Yea, I used to write poems, I even have a few that was published in the school magazines during my high school years..... "crappy" poems ;) But I had a lot of inspiration back then....


I wonder where did all my inspiration went to? :(

In Loving Memory

Today I heard the most upsetting news I have ever heard for a long time and made me breakdown and cry to want to go home.


A very good friend of mine who has been battling with Stage 4 cancer finally passed away peacefully and returned to the Lord.


I have known Elizabeth Mah back then since newly in College - 17 / 18 years old. She was one of the fellow Church goers in Pantai First Baptist Church. I newly joined a  group in Church known as the College and Career Fellowship (CCFers) group. This is a bible study group that meets up every Friday night for about an hour of Bible study. She was a remarkable lady back then. Before marrying Henry, I met both of them in church together, although not in the same bible study group, we became friends.


I remember how I used to follow her and her group of CCFers to go on holiday trips to nearby places and for roller blading evening outs in the weekends and even "makan makan" sessions (eating out sessions) all over town. We had so much fun, so much memories. When we all first met, we were all in our early adulthood lives, newly working people or college people. Throughout the years, every one of us in the group gradually grow up, get married, have a family and even a home bible study group. But we still kept in touch - especially myself, by sending them post cards for Chinese New Year, Christmas and even birthdays. We even still meet from time to time in church - especially on Sundays - or in chats.


Liz is indeed a remarkable lady. After losing contact for a few years, myself growing up, getting married and having my own daughter, we finally meet back again in church. I was devastated to initially know from my mother that Liz is at Stage 4 cancer. I even remember talking to her, asking her.... "Aren´t you scared?" ?  "How does it feel?"


I still remember her smiles, bitter sweet but full of confidence, telling me about her remarkable travel with God for the past 2 years while she battled on with her cancer and Henry and her kids by her side together with the rest of us praying for her. She had a lot of faith in God, compared to many ordinary church goers. Sometimes it was from her I gather my courage and my beliefs that God is always there even during my darkest and saddest moments even right up till today.


To hear from my sister that she is suddenly gone, when just 2 1/2 weeks ago we were just chatting and was saying that we should meet up when I go back Malaysia next year in February is so painful.


I will miss her bravery, her remarkable faith will live in me and all the advices she has given to me will live within me.


Thank You Liz, for making me see many things, especially that miracles do happen when you believe. 
I really miss you alot from 10,000km away from you. I really wish I could just go and meet you one more time. Reminiscing those wonderful moments I spent with the CCFers was my best moments of them all.


To Henry and his two beautiful sons, my prayers will always be with you. ღ♥

Here comes October

October has finally approached.. with it the days are growing shorter, night falls appears way much earlier. Skies turned into complete darkness by the time it´s 8pm and getting earlier and earlier as day goes by. Nights are turning into icy cold, temperature drops tremendously during the night. Even the days are colder now and sometimes its best not to venture outdoors without a jacket. 


It´s been 8 months now since we landed in this foreign land and make ourselves a new home and a new life in this foreign land. With the help of our newfound family and friends, life is slightly easier to pass by.

We have been touring around Berlin - although not the entire city - much in these months. Many valuable photos taken, many memorable moments captured and candid moments captured. We have marked our "spots" with our memories. Friends from all over Berlin, meeting up with friends who came to visit and such. Even Amelia is having alot of fun, although have to say that the older she grows, the more problems she is giving - especially her stubborness and her naughtiness and cheekiness and the ability to don´t listen and obey instructions given. But then again, I guess that´s the way of children. I mustn´t forget, growing up, I was growing in the same direction having my parents yell at me and disciplining me alot also. But then again, I also understand one part...... How much pain it feels to scold or punish your own child *sighs*....... 


Homesickness.........


Amelia misses Grandpa and Grandma alot. Although I know both my parents would love to webcam every day with her, but then again sad to say I had to set "rules".... schooling days I needed Amelia to sleep earlier and besides, due to the time difference it is sometimes hard to comply with the meeting especially during the weekends when we have appointments with friends and such. I know many people get the wrong meaning. They think I am trying to cut off completely home away.

I guess one thing no one will ever understand is how much I miss life back home in Malaysia. Don´t also misunderstand me.... I really love it here, and really love the new life together with Sven, but then, some things are not that easy to be let go or forgotten.

I miss the fact that I used to be independent from men, even my ex husband. At the moment, I am not working and am completely dependable on hubby. Not because I chose to not work, but because of the laws and government here, to work I need to be fluently speaking German and reading - hence my German courses (which apparently I am hating like fucks) at the moment. I loved the fact that I was independent and able to do whatever I want financially also back then. I miss being able to just hang out at the local "mamak" with friends or even with my ex husband when we meet up to hang out with our daughter. I miss being able to drive around town, go window shopping or shopping whenever I want, or to take my daughter to the Bird Park and such back home in KL like how we used to do every weekend.  Ironically, I miss the constant nagging of my parents also *omg*........ Also miss hanging out with "Siao Gu" and her family, or even with Amelia´s great grand mother. I miss going to Dezmond´s place almost every alternate day to hang out in his place just eating dinner that we bought back to his place or order in and even missing Boboy (Jack boy - Dezzie´s dog) alot.

There are moments....... when I am here in Germany, the lonely moments of mine when the flashbacks of every single memory I have with every single person I love in my life - even my ex husband - flashes before my eyes....... every single memory, precious as it may..... But yet.... how did I end up learning to bottle up all my emotions and keeping a "poker face" to everyone?  Guess I had a good teacher all these years........ 


God, I so miss my dad... and my mum... I miss the familiarity of the house I have lived in since a little girl...... I miss being able to just hang out with Baby Jo and all..... 


But then, life has been well for me. God has been protecting, if not me - my baby, alot. We  have a good home here, a great man that loves us equally even though we drive him up the walls daily - especially with our differences (hmmmmmm the Western and Asian differences can be killing at times...... trust me.. I am going through it with hubby most of the time xD), and someone who gave us a 2nd chance at life by showing us that there is still hope. For that, I am grateful to him and to God for bringing this man into our lives.


For those of you reading this back home. Understand this.... staying away doesn´t mean I want to cut all ties. We need time to adjust, especially Amelia. She doesn´t understand the distance gap between us. She doesn´t understand how 10,000km can come between us and her grandparents. Nor does she understand the time difference between Malaysia and Germany. Also, blending in, we have our new lives to go along with. Times may not suit up.


We miss every single one of you back home, especially those we love dearly in our heart.

But now..... we are looking forward to our first Autumn and Winter together.

Thursday September 29, 2011

Remembering Soo, the service dog

WHEEL POWER
By ANTHONY THANASAYAN

Farewell Soo, loyal companion and dear friend.

THERE was great sadness in my home last week. Soolam, my senior service dog, was put down. He was 13. The decision to euthanise Soo, as my other dogs and I fondly knew him, was not at all easy.
The move was quickly reached when the Golden Retriever could no longer stand or walk. He could not even eat his meals without throwing up.

However, everything about Soo’s final journey on earth turned out to be as intriguing and uncanny as the day when he first arrived.

He was barely two months old then. The pup was a gift from a couple who were doctors. The purpose was to see if a retriever could make a good service dog.

Friend for life: The writer spending precious moments with Soo before he was euthanised.

 

He needed to be fed as many as four times a day. I had to clean up after a dog that seemed to have an endless supply of poo.

The most difficult part, however, was to grab the pup and put him back in his crate. Fortunately, his senior canine partners literally lent their paws to solve the problem.

Soo had a knack of chasing the big dogs around the house. One of them would cleverly use the situation to dash back to me so that I could grab Soo.

The experience of raising and training Soo helped to psyche me up. And as for Soo, he went on to become a service dog that was parallel to none.

He was the perfect companion to attend meetings with. He’d been to church numerous times and even stayed completely unnoticed at government meetings. Some of the chairpersons discovered his presence only after the event.

He has helped me in unusual places, too. These include in the toilet at the United Nations building in Kuala Lumpur (when my shoe was out of reach and the soap fell on the floor).

He also sat through a serious discussion with people with AIDS at the Malaysian AIDS Council.
On top of all these, Soo had appeared scores of times in the media which included newspapers, TV and radio. He was the main star of a special video which featured my service dogs.

Once when I was caught in a 30-minute thunderstorm in a forest, Soo chose to get drenched with me in the heavy downpour rather than seek shelter elsewhere.

In his more than a decade of service, Soo relished his car rides the most – so much so that I became his private chauffeur. We must have travelled thousands of kilometres over the decade and only once, in all those years, did he throw up in the back seat.

Once our adventure led us all the way to Penang on a gruelling 24-hour trip where Soo performed and wowed several hundred people at a dog event with his service dog skills.

On that fateful Sunday morning, an extremely feeble Soo looked straight into my eyes. It was as if he was telling me to be strong for him and do the right thing to painlessly end his suffering.
He never once whimpered or flinched. He took every opportunity to lay his head on my shoulder or hands whenever I was by his side.

Despite the pain, Soo remained resolute and dignified in the back seat of my car during his final journey to the veterinarian. He was on my lap with his head held high as I wheeled into the clinic.
I made sure that my hero fell asleep before he entered into eternal sleep. The clinic didn’t charge me anything for putting a great dog down.

Another doctor, who is an expert in dog show winning breeds, offered to bury Soo in his yard at home.

My king, I’m proud to say, is now privileged to be the only retriever laid to rest with other national and international champion Doberman and German Shepherd Dog breeds that have crossed over the rainbow bridge before him.

Even more amazing is the fact that Soo is buried in the home of the mother of my latest and youngest service dog candidate, Dobe Ace Zhar the Doberman.

Last Saturday, Zhar and I were at an international dog show in KL with more than 200 dogs from all over Asia. And although I was the only person in a wheelchair there, Zhar stuck close to me much like Soo used to do during happier days.

And by a very strange coincidence, Zhar kept climbing up on my lap several times as if to say: “Don’t worry, you’re safe now. I’m with you.”

Angels don’t always come with wings; sometimes they have tails, even if it happens to be a rather short one.

He did it his way

I found this article that is very meaningful and very inspiring. If you happened to stumble on this post, read the post till it´s end.
It´s a sad story, with a sad ending.... but then again, it teaches us many things about life.

Sunday September 11, 2011

He did it his way

By NG ZHU HANN

A young man who placed family first showed that nothing is impossible when your heart is in it.

MY best friend Terrence Phang Ying Choy was from SMK Bandar Utama, Selangor. I had known him for 12 years, since primary school. I literally grew up with him and he was like a brother to me.

Ying Choy came from a poor background. His father is a contractor and his mother, a housewife. He had two younger siblings and they live in a rented apartment.

Like most Chinese-educated students, his command of English was comparatively weaker than that of his peers. He was also an ordinary student with no special talent in sports or music.

However, Ying Choy worked twice as hard as his peers and did really well in school. He scored 6As and 1B in his UPSR, 8As in his PMR and 9A1s and 2As in his SPM.

Beloved son, brother and friend: Terrence Phang Ying Choy.

Despite his good results he failed to secure any scholarship after Form Five. Because his father’s construction jobs are seasonal, he decided to work to supplement the family’s income and support his younger brothers, instead of furthering his studies. He did sales and marketing for his uncle’s firm, worked on a construction site and gave tuition four times a week for one full year. In fact, he was the sole breadwinner during the economic downturn in 2007.

When his father’s income became more stable as the property market picked up again, Ying Choy decided to go back to his studies. He felt manual labour was not enough to help the family.

He enrolled in Form Six, studied for about three months, then dropped out. He switched to A-levels at Tunku Abdul Rahman (TAR) College, where he got a full subsidy for his course. But he dropped out after two months.

Finally, he enrolled in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman for a foundation programme, which he completed. Once again, he stopped studying and went back to work for some months.

Ying Choy dropped out three times because he could not focus on his studies knowing that his siblings would be leaving school soon and needed money to further their education.

One day, he saw some Facebook pictures of his secondary school friends who were studying in London, on tour in the Swiss Alps. He wondered why others could do it while he could not. He realised it wasn’t because they were smarter but that they had better opportunities.

So he withdrew the RM17,000 he had saved from working and took a leap of faith – he signed up for an express A-levels programme that Sunway College had just introduced.

The gamble was that if he did well, he would get an offer from a good university, which would enable him to get a scholarship. He could then use the money to study and save some for his family.

After being away from books for almost one-and-a-half years, Ying Choy had to struggle to cope. Every day he attended college from 8am to 6pm; went home for dinner; gave tuition from 8 to 10pm, and then revised his lessons from 10.30pm to 12.30am. He did this for a whole year.

Early 2009, Ying Choy received offers from five top British universities: the London School of Economics, Imperial College London, Warwick University, University College London and University of Cambridge. He also got offers from Melbourne University and the National University of Singapore.

He was shocked and elated. He least expected to get a place in Cambridge, which many top Malaysian students had failed to get into, what more a boy whose pre-U studies was never exceptional.

Despite the good news, he still had to get the scholarship.

After being rejected by various companies and foundations, he finally received an offer from Sime Darby, one month before Cambridge’s acceptance deadline. Ying Choy had defied the odds to attain a place in the one of the best universities in the world.

That year, he stepped on an aeroplane for the first time in his life. It was his first trip abroad and the first time he had left home. He was the first in his family to go for tertiary education.

He promised them he would come back and life would be good after he graduated. He would take them to Europe and buy a new house so they need not have to rent.

Ying Choy spent wisely and saved substantially. Every month, he sent home a large portion of his allowance.

He did remarkably in his first year at Cambridge, scoring first class honours and was ranked 37 among the 160 engineering students in his batch. He did equally well in his second year.

In July, Ying Choy came home for the summer holidays. His family had been looking forward to his return and everyone had a good time with him back.

But life took a cruel twist on Sept 1. At 6am that morning, he had breathing difficulties and collapsed by the side of his bed.

My best friend died about six hours after I last saw him. He had looked perfectly healthy then. In fact, he was a basketball player and a gym rat.

He was buried on Sept 4. He was only 22.

A large portion of his savings – he had saved over RM50,000 for his siblings’ education – was used for the funeral expenses. His family, who are still in shock, now have to worry about their younger sons’ education even as they grieve for their eldest boy.

Ying Choy strongly believed in self-help. He was vehemently against using connections as the way to success. He was living proof that meritocracy still exists today.

I will always miss him.

I´m sorry (The story of the Pencil & the Eraser)

Pencil: I'm sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorry cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)


I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way... they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on).

Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.

"All my life, I've been the pencil.. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day.

For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have..."


This is to all the parents out there...

Ending of September

September is coming to an end once again..... Time seems to be passing by extremely quickly. Maybe it really is or maybe just cos we never realize that it is passing by so fast..... Can´t believe it that the year is almost ending and September is ending - with it comes October *bright and shining*


23rd September marks the day (Calender wise) Autumn begins officially, although temperature and weather wise, Autumn has already arrived a long long time ago. However, even until now we still get to see the trees changing the colors of their leaves, some even already balding.... Amelia finds the colors of the falling leaves very interesting. Always asking me why are there so many different colors of leaves on the ground......

As I sit here and pen down our thoughts, daily ongoings and such, a pang of regret hits me..... regret that time is passing so fast always. Regret that we couldn´t celebrate the Mooncake Festival the way it used to be back home here. But from those regret, appeared new hope, new ways and new life.... I guess that´s always a part and parcel of life.......

In a glimpse of an eye, both of us have already been here 7 months and 14 days already. We have experienced the ending of Winter, the beginning and ending of Spring and Summer and now finally Autumn. We have gone through alot of hardships together, also together with our new Papa / hubby. I won´t say life has been a bed of roses here for us. We have our share of ups and downs together with Sven and also with each other.... Especially for me and Sven.


We knew it won´t be an easy path, especially when bringing two different cultures / beliefs / traditions together. When East meets West, When Western meets Asian.... everything goes haywire. But we try our best to make it work.


I guess the most painful one is the one involving my daughter. We, Sven and myself, have very different opinions about her behaviour and such. For me, being from a very "cincai" family, I basically have few basic requirements in Amelia. As long as she behaves, has manners and isn´t rude - the rest of her naughtiness can sometimes be "overlooked" by me... however, here in Germany, there are many "dos and don´ts" involving children. Believe me...... even if I take the whole day blogging, I won´t be able to finish penning down the things they allow and don´t allow down here, especially in children. 

Somehow, I feel that they are just too strict in the upbringing of children. Here I thought back home is being a total idiot and moron for doing certain stuff, here.... there are certain things that just baffles me..... Children are always noisy..... so what? But here... *sighs*......... voices must be down by 730pm latest 8pm, you can´t go stomping and squealing about and etc..... Feels quite uptight sometimes bringing up children here you know, in my personal opinion..... hence there are argumentations between me and Sven occasionally or constantly when it comes to Amelia.


Sorry...... One thing everyone and anyone should know.....


I do not take orders nor do I allow anyone to just scold and scream at my daughter. Hell... not even my ex husband I allowed back then. I understand... things might be slightly difficult for Sven at the moment as he never had a kid before, never married before and never lived with a kid 24/7 before. There are different set of expectations from him - especially from a different upbringing than mine. I mean.... hell.... even my ex-husband used to have problems blending in as our daughter´s father back then. We are only human..... But I don´t want my daughter to undergo a complete 360° transformation for anyone - even if we are living in a different country. 


Amelia and myself have been learning every day tremendously the moment we stepped into Germany. We have been learning from street wise, culture wise, food wise and even language wise. I have to praise my daughter. She is coping far more better off than me. Probably she has the protection of me and also Sven from things - although Sven is more of "let her experience more on her own" while me, being typical me - and all that she has been thru the past 4 years of her life, tend to be slightly more "overprotective" than him. But thank God, she is integrating herself much more easier than I am, learning faster than I am and most importantly.......blending in better than I am. The only problem she ever has..... like any growing child....... attitude and manners problem.


I know I know.... the "honeymoon" years are almost over. My baby is a big girl now. She is smarter (definitely) and also more naughtier. She pushes her luck to the maximum most of the time, purposely doing things she knows will make you angry... and then starts crying when not getting her way or showing her temper when not getting her way. It really hurts to scold or even smack her as punishment.. but somehow, she doesn´t seem to react with talking nicely and reasoning. *sighs* Do all parents go through this stage? :(

Anyway........ September met with us meeting up a numerous times with Audrey and Ley Poh together with our kids, and also Winnie & family visit to Berlin for 4 days. We had made many numerous memories and photos together with many people that came to visit us in this month, together with our daily photos and activities together. With the changing of seasons...... I guess in a couple of months time would be time once again to catch my daughter in her beautiful snowsuits and winterboots out in the snow making snowballs.

We shared many joyous moments and created many valuable memories with the friends and love ones. Hanging around Potsdam and all around Pankow, Berlin with our local friends as often as we can, and more importantly spending time with each other and with Sven as a family. The happy moments all captured in photos - I love candid shots.. sometimes they are the most beautiful shots a person can make......


But.... for me, personally.........

The most joyous moment and the most treasured and valuable moment for me was to finally be able to bridge the gap with my ex husband once and for good. We spent a good deal of time messaging each other the other day and........ finally alles klar. Although that is one chapter of my life that will remain locked forever with love and precious memories, thank you dear..... for bridging that gap. Because for me, to me, you have always been not only my partner and husband back then, but also my most trusted friend whom I can turn to and count in whenever I am in need of help, advice and so forth. And I am glad to have you back into my life again, especially for Amelia. For her, it means a great deal for her.


She has came to accept the fact that she is one very special little girl who has 2 daddies there to love and care for her. One whom she calls daddy and the other she calls papa. But, she loves both the men in her life equally much. Thank you God for such a wonderful little girl.


Happy Ending of September and Hello Autumny October


Oh oh......... and from what I heard from hubby....


Happy Halloween!!!! *Soon*