Here comes October

October has finally approached.. with it the days are growing shorter, night falls appears way much earlier. Skies turned into complete darkness by the time it´s 8pm and getting earlier and earlier as day goes by. Nights are turning into icy cold, temperature drops tremendously during the night. Even the days are colder now and sometimes its best not to venture outdoors without a jacket. 


It´s been 8 months now since we landed in this foreign land and make ourselves a new home and a new life in this foreign land. With the help of our newfound family and friends, life is slightly easier to pass by.

We have been touring around Berlin - although not the entire city - much in these months. Many valuable photos taken, many memorable moments captured and candid moments captured. We have marked our "spots" with our memories. Friends from all over Berlin, meeting up with friends who came to visit and such. Even Amelia is having alot of fun, although have to say that the older she grows, the more problems she is giving - especially her stubborness and her naughtiness and cheekiness and the ability to don´t listen and obey instructions given. But then again, I guess that´s the way of children. I mustn´t forget, growing up, I was growing in the same direction having my parents yell at me and disciplining me alot also. But then again, I also understand one part...... How much pain it feels to scold or punish your own child *sighs*....... 


Homesickness.........


Amelia misses Grandpa and Grandma alot. Although I know both my parents would love to webcam every day with her, but then again sad to say I had to set "rules".... schooling days I needed Amelia to sleep earlier and besides, due to the time difference it is sometimes hard to comply with the meeting especially during the weekends when we have appointments with friends and such. I know many people get the wrong meaning. They think I am trying to cut off completely home away.

I guess one thing no one will ever understand is how much I miss life back home in Malaysia. Don´t also misunderstand me.... I really love it here, and really love the new life together with Sven, but then, some things are not that easy to be let go or forgotten.

I miss the fact that I used to be independent from men, even my ex husband. At the moment, I am not working and am completely dependable on hubby. Not because I chose to not work, but because of the laws and government here, to work I need to be fluently speaking German and reading - hence my German courses (which apparently I am hating like fucks) at the moment. I loved the fact that I was independent and able to do whatever I want financially also back then. I miss being able to just hang out at the local "mamak" with friends or even with my ex husband when we meet up to hang out with our daughter. I miss being able to drive around town, go window shopping or shopping whenever I want, or to take my daughter to the Bird Park and such back home in KL like how we used to do every weekend.  Ironically, I miss the constant nagging of my parents also *omg*........ Also miss hanging out with "Siao Gu" and her family, or even with Amelia´s great grand mother. I miss going to Dezmond´s place almost every alternate day to hang out in his place just eating dinner that we bought back to his place or order in and even missing Boboy (Jack boy - Dezzie´s dog) alot.

There are moments....... when I am here in Germany, the lonely moments of mine when the flashbacks of every single memory I have with every single person I love in my life - even my ex husband - flashes before my eyes....... every single memory, precious as it may..... But yet.... how did I end up learning to bottle up all my emotions and keeping a "poker face" to everyone?  Guess I had a good teacher all these years........ 


God, I so miss my dad... and my mum... I miss the familiarity of the house I have lived in since a little girl...... I miss being able to just hang out with Baby Jo and all..... 


But then, life has been well for me. God has been protecting, if not me - my baby, alot. We  have a good home here, a great man that loves us equally even though we drive him up the walls daily - especially with our differences (hmmmmmm the Western and Asian differences can be killing at times...... trust me.. I am going through it with hubby most of the time xD), and someone who gave us a 2nd chance at life by showing us that there is still hope. For that, I am grateful to him and to God for bringing this man into our lives.


For those of you reading this back home. Understand this.... staying away doesn´t mean I want to cut all ties. We need time to adjust, especially Amelia. She doesn´t understand the distance gap between us. She doesn´t understand how 10,000km can come between us and her grandparents. Nor does she understand the time difference between Malaysia and Germany. Also, blending in, we have our new lives to go along with. Times may not suit up.


We miss every single one of you back home, especially those we love dearly in our heart.

But now..... we are looking forward to our first Autumn and Winter together.