No place for the beastly Malaysian

No place for the beastly Malaysian

Omg, is this how Malaysians actually care for their pets?

Animals have feelings also you know, even though they can´t speak. If you think they don´t have feelings, maybe someone should just whack the "fucks" out of your brains till you can´t talk and then torture you. Maybe then you know the feelings of these poor creatures that you all are failing miserably to take care of!

The government should take more action of pets in Malaysia, like how it is done in Germany. Taxes even for having a cat or a dog for a pet! Then maybe you´d know how to take care of your pet properly! Stupid people who don´t know how to care for other living beings than themselves. -.-

My appreciation

Today, somehow as I was sitting in the bus, something just popped into my head and made me wanna write this down. You know, everyone should really count their blessings and appreciate their surroundings or what has been given to them or more importantly, be thankful for the people around them. You would never know what tomorrow brings, not only for you but also for everyone around you.


I have been reading a few of my friends blogs and yes, it´s somehow devastating to know, especially the ones I hold dear to me, are facing difficult times or the ones they love are diagnosed with cancer etc. It just shows how life is fragile and how much we take for granted life is. Also, ironically how we only turn to God at the most painful time of our lives. Many of us, including myself, do abandon God in our daily lives and only acknowledge His presence or start cursing Him only and especially when things don´t go our way.


My daughter and myself, both of us, have come a very long way. First of, thankfully we have the guidance and the love from my parents, especially when my marriage broke apart - irregardless of who was in the right and wrong - my parents were there taking care of my daughter and myself as both of us were mumbo jumbo"ing" in an emotional state. My daughter, being only a year old, didn´t have much to encounter except the confusion as to why daddy was never there for her even before we moved back to my parents´place. But for me, my parents had to endure a full tornado and hurricane as I battled within myself to come to terms of the marriage that fell apart and also a relationship of 12 years that was just being thrown out of the window like as if nothing of it meant anything to him. 


It wasn´t an easy road for Amelia and me. But we managed to gradually grow - for my daughter gradually forget - apart from my ex husband, which I haven´t and didn´t initially intended to divorce. We, my parents and me, had many endless fights about this topic, we argued we fought we said many unforgivable things to each other, but they never let go of their eldest daughter even though to a certain point my dad completely gave up on me. I remember pushing myself and submerging myself completely into my work and also spending as much time as I can with Amelia. But thankfully for them (together with few others), we managed to overcome this big hurdle together and are now living a new life.


I was also on a spiritual struggle with God. I was, like any other human being, accusing God of all the hurt and pain I was going through back then, especially when I prayed to be given Amelia (in return I would devote her completely to God and also I would do anything in return for Him). I never once expected the "anything in return" would be this major trial and breakdown in my marriage. I never did believe that this would be something God will take in return for me having my daughter..... but then again, after months of pain and suffering, I was sort of telling myself, maybe this is a trial God is making to see if I am strong to overcome it and to trust in Him? Yea, I did my prayers and occasionally I read the bible but not that often. That´s when I slowly and gradually learn to let go, although it is tough especially if without the help of my family and few very close and good friends, and more importantly to let the anger burn away and submit to God. *ROFL* My parents and sis probably will die laughing of disbelief reading this part...... cos in the family, between them and me, I never was the "holy" one to attend church and etc... xD


Praying, or talking to myself in prayer, was much better than turning to the bible - for me that is - as I feel calmer doing it. But He made me realize and open my eyes more to my parents (the amount of pain and suffering they go through together with me, seeing me breaking down from a relationship I have been for 12 years, seeing my daughter torn apart and gradually healing her up again), and also to the few very treasured people around me who have helped me alot throughout these times even if its just sitting there and letting me cry my heart out...... 


These few very close and precious people I need to thank for..... Baby Jo, for being there every single moment when the cracks were starting to show, even when she was all the way in Aussie right up to when she was back and she had to cut short her date to come pick me and my daughter up to go back to my parents place to stop things from getting worse, Dezmond and Billy for always lending their shoulders for me to cry on and being what best friends normally are for.... silently listening to me cry and break apart, Shayne Cummings for giving me advice when I needed some and always making me laugh in the end and seeing the logic of things, Venice for the party of my life - yea baby you completely made me drunk out that night (OMG) but you came and breathe life back into my dull self *lolx*, Daniel who was there when I need someone to rely on, David Campbell for giving me a listening ear and telling myself to believe in myself and that I can do it even without him, my cousins for being there for me and even attending court with me as morale support, and most importantly Sven for giving both my daughter and myself a second chance at love, life and a family we can call our own.


We can never find words to thank Sven for all he has done. Not only he took the initiative and courage and responsibility of giving us, especially Amelia, a 2nd chance in life, he also takes it with full responsibility. He could have chosen someone who is single, never been married before and doesn´t have a kid, but he took on the challenge and took both myself and Amelia under his care. He provide financially, emotionally and physically for the both of us, fitting in the role of husband and father to Amelia. 


I love watching the way he gives her a good night kiss and hug every night, or making breakfast for the both of us or he and Amelia making breakfast surprise for me once a while, even playing together in the playground on weekends! He juggles between working (sometimes on shifts, or even outstation trips), gaming on his laptop, spending time with me and also spending time with Amelia either watching TV together all 3 of us or just taking her out to the woods and playing frisbee or having fun together with her.... he actually takes the initiative to spend time with her even when work load gets too heavy. Weekends is strictly family time, even if he is forced to work on Saturdays, he always makes sure he is back for lunch and then time off with us. For that I am thankful, that he is able to balance up his time in such a way, unlike some men.


My daughter is very proud of him. In kindergarten, her teachers tell me she always speaks highly of Sven, telling them proudly what they do together during the weekend, or what he has done or taken her to see. It makes my heart swell with joy seeing her this happy and having a fatherly figure. Although he isn´t her biological father, but seeing her having a 2nd chance at such happiness, is more than a mother can ever ask for!


Seriously.... if we were in Malaysia.... would a man do the same thing? Majority men back home have this thing against raising a kid who isn´t theirs at all, and so having a 2nd chance of love, family and home for not only myself, but also for my baby, is more than any single mum can ask for.


For these people.... who made and gave 2nd chance to my baby and my lifes, thank you so much... I really appreciate all that you have done throughout these 3 years. From my parents to all my close friends to my life partner. Thank you for all the love, courage and believe in us. *hugs*

A Double Decker Tour

The Sunday was fantastic! The weather was just nice, warm slightly chilly with the sun shining ever so bright! SO.......... after doing my usual weekly laundry, I decided to take my daughter into the heart of Berlin to take the Double Decker bus and tour around Berlin for awhile!


Believe me, the tour was well worth it, especially seeing my daughter´s face lit up with joy and unfathomable happiness when she caught sight of the tall double decker bus driving up to the bus stop on Brandenburger Tor Bus stop! Her excitement was endless as she ran up the stairs and was rushing to climb up the small winding stairs up on to the upper deck of the bus. And... unable to get a seat at the front of the upper deck, she decided to stand there and hang on to the railings just to catch sight of the city from the upper view, never even wanting to take a seat at all even though there were other seats available slightly back. 


We toured all over, and nearly ended up not even leaving the bus if she hadn´t caught sight of the tall tower with the Angel statue in the middle of the roundabout while half way on tour! Hence, we took the next nearest stop, toured the tiny roundabout, walked around the embassies before taking the next Double Decker back to the train station.... a long bus ride we had today that´s for sure..... and Amelia just enjoyed herself thoroughly completely! 


Planning to go back again the coming weekend, this time visiting more places and also taking the double decker bus.. And I absolutely adore the way my daughter says double decker bus... she goes and say "decker decker bus" :) Wow.... Haha thankfully, the decker decker bus is only available in the heart of Berlin, or more precisely, where the tourists attractions are! :) Else I would be taking decker decker bus to her school every morning and afternoon! xD 

We had alot of fun you know, just sitting on the bus and going all around the city... and as she doesn´t have to pay for a ticket and my ticket is a monthly ticket, we could just sit in the bus from one end of the stop to the other end of the stop without getting chased down! xD Photography was abit kinda hard though from the bus as the bus is always on the move, not all photos taken were...... beautiful :( We even passed by the Volkswagon Club house and a few other brand and grand car shops that..... *drools* have the most amazing and gorgeous looking cars ever! xD


The most amazing part.... was the endless woods you can find, even in the city area, where when peering inside or going into the woods, you find many families, couples and etc having picnics or just lying on the vast area of grass sun tanning and enjoying reading a book or snoozing away! It´s just so amazing to have such areas like these in the heart of the city, and more importantly, the air isn´t all that polluted even if it was at the heart of it all! The embassies of various countries all over the world was situated all around these areas..... the area is highly secured with many police cars and such patrolling the area. 


Although some of the embassies are looking grand and mighty, there are some that just looks like a normal office building, except for the country flag (representing the country it is representing) standing proudly in front of the building. Amongst all of these embassies, is the Malaysian Embassy. With the Jalur Gemilang standing proudly outside the embassy, the Malaysian Embassy itself is looking ordinary on the outside, but inside (well I have been there for the Buka Raya makan makan) is quite nice to look at.... feels especially at home there seeing all the flags and the rukun negara logo and such. But anyhow, today, we didn´t stop by there. Instead, we found many other interesting sights to see.... than the usual Malaysian sights... :P 


The one fascinating one was this one here, from the Chinese Kulturen. My daughter was so fascinated with it, for myself... I was feeling more at home seeing finally some chinese words... Hahahahaha but then again, it´s just the embassy area. *sighs* Somehow I really do miss home in a way you know...... although to many they think I don´t . But then again, the path is where we are now, there is no turning back. Not when every thing has been left behind. :)


Anyways... overall, this is a fruitful day for both myself and my baby.......


You know, I seriously can´t wait for our Scotland trip in November! xD


ps : For full album photos of our decker trip, please visit A Double Decker Tour album

All The Wrong Places - Tyler Ward and Justin Reid (Feat....

Tell me why do you fall?
So far that you cant contain it?
Tell me why cant you see that your searching all the wrong places
Baby, You dont know
But i will try to explain it
Baby, why cant you see that your searching
All the wrong places

I dont wanna play these games anymore
Tired of watching you walk out the door
Hiding here still, scared to reveal
How we really feel
Baby this is so real

Tell me have you ever noticed when we’re all alone
How you get so nervous
Baby why cant you see that your searching
All the wrong places
You say you’ve been through it all
And you don’t know how your gonna change it
Baby why cant you see that your searching
All the wrong places

I dont wanna play these games anymore
Tired of watching you walk out the door
Hiding here still,Too scared to reveal how we really feel
Baby this is so real

Just looking right at the stars
Just look where we are
Just look where we are

September Starts.... Autumn fast Approaching

So...... now it´s already the month of September. It´s finally entering Autumn soon, as Autumn is fast approaching with the changes of the weather and temperature. Also, the days are growing shorter, night falls coming earlier than before. Previously, in Summer, the moon doesn´t even come or.... the sky isn´t dark at all until about 11pm. Now, the sky darkens and all earliest by 830pm. It´s getting earlier and earlier as day goes by..... Temperature is dropping and dropping even though the sun is shining ever so brightly in the sky!

It´s already 7 months now, baby and myself have been here in this foreign land and making it our new home. In this 7 months, we have learnt many things together and from each other while growing up together. My daughter is growing beautifully and remarkably wonderful, although with it comes the complication of growing up.... the temperaments of a child and etc. I love her even more than I have ever had and for me, she is still and will always be the main important part of my life!


Kindergarten is going on great and fine with her. Now, we speak mix of German and English at home as well as when we are out and about. Our German, both my daughter and myself, ain´t that good yet to even start with a full fledge German conversation but we are learning alot from each other, especially me from her as she is learning more of the basic compared to my learning in my German course.

We have moved on alot. Forgetting many things from the past, other than my parents and Uncle Dez, we rarely speak and keep in contact with people from the past and from Malaysia. For myself, occasionally those whom contact me via facebook or via my daughter´s account of facebook. But for my daughter, the only people she keeps in touch are with my family and Dezzie from time to time. Somehow it is best this way. After months of struggles, she too have finally managed to put alot of the past things and life behind and forgotten. Somehow, in a way, it is good - from my own personal point of view. Now, with our new lives, we have people in Malaysia who loves us still - aka my family, Dezzie, Baby Jo, Venice, Onny and the few others (Thank you), and we have new found family and friends here in Germany that loves us and is always around us when we need help with.


Most importantly, she has a male figure in her life guiding her now constantly - although I fear that task isn´t simple and easy for him. I never did say being a parent is easy, not with the new "dos and dont´s" and the conversion from being a bachelor to a tied figure and a father figurine. But it is good that she finally has someone that is there full time and willing to take the time to learn together with her, for that I am thankful. And for my daughter, she is extremely happy.... it is even sometimes nice to see how she is proudly showing him off to all her classmates or how she brags about him to her teachers and friends in kindergarten - from her teacher´s feedbacks.  :)

Life is about learning from each other as we grow up, grow older and older. In life we never stop learning. It´s amazing how much I am learning as a mother of 4 years nearly 5 now... and yet I am still learning. xD No wonder my father always tell me to never stop learning...... ^^

So now, as we prepare to brace ourselves to encounter our first Autumn together, from preparing clothes to buying winter shoes and clothes for the upcoming winter..... we will look forward to move on hand in had as we continue on with our journey steps.........

Selamat Hari Merdeka @ Happy 51st Merdeka Day!

To all Malaysian readers out there, happy celebrating Merdeka´s day today! 51 long years of independence for the fellow citizens of Malaysia. 


I wonder how was the celebration back home, 10000km away from me, today? Was it glorious? Did everyone put aside their differences and appreciate and celebrated this memorial day together? Or...... are they still biting each others neck on who is more superior in power n etc still?


Looking back over all these years, and my growing up years.... Malaysia has indeed changed alot..... became more and more modernized (although cannot compare with the ever fast pace Europe...) and we, as citizens have been through alot together as one country, one nation. However, as the years passes by, somehow we tend to see alot more changes, especially politically. Its really sad, to see a nation that consists of so many different types of races and religions living so harmoniously so long coming to an end with their endless bickering of who is more superior and who has more ruling over what. What has become of the Malaysia that I was growing up with? The people who live together harmoniously irregardless of skin color, race or religion?


Sometimes, makes me wonder........ 


Are mankind always destined to fight for stupid things in life?

Selamat Hari Raya aka Happy Zuckerfest! :D

 So, the fasting month has finally concluded worldwide and today worldwide, everyone is celebrating Raya - which is known as Zuckerfest here in Germany. Was kinda amused actually when I first heard that name..... cos translated, Zucker actually means sugar..... so when my lecturer first said that there wasn´t class today as it was Zuckerfest, my first thinking was....."Huh?! These people actually have a sugar day?!" Hahahahaha well, then only I found out that Zuckerfest is actually Raya for the Muslims here. :)


Anyways, today, with no class to attend, but my baby having kindergarten as usual (her kindergarten is a Christian kindergarten so no Zuckerfest holiday for her), I was invited by Audrey, one of my Malaysian friends in Germany, to attend the Buka Raya makan makan at the Malaysian Embassy today! Initially, I was kinda reluctant to go as I didn´t know where about this place is and secondly, I haven´t even been there before since setting foot into the German soil.... xD But then again, curiousity got the better of me. And believe me.... I don´t regret not going for this event! The Rendang and ketupat and such there... OMG.... reminded me so much of home..... I am seriously wondering where they managed to buy such spices down here in Germany!!!!!! The food served here is typically tasting like food back home... and not at all the German way of cooking the asian food....... 


It´s not that I have anything against the people here cooking the Asian food, its just that they don´t exactly taste the same.... xD And the food served here at the embassy today.... omg..... *sighs* I officially miss the mamak and the malay rendang and such!!!!


The embassy isn´t all that grand like the embassies situated directly near the Reistag but it has it´s own elegance...... there were many Muslims (surprise surprise as it is Raya....) and fairly few chinese that turned up...... Doubt it is even the exact population of Malaysians available or living in Germany, but it feels like home being here eating these wonderfully cooked food....... and I guess I have to brush up my spoken German as they definitely speak better than I do! *ROFL*

Managed to get a few photos, although am only posting 3 of it up....... 


And so....... these are the people my daughter and myself hang out with whenever we have the time to ;) *ahem ahem* we are blending in now.......... ^^

My gorgeous angel of my life and myself :)

Photo taken when I picked her up from Kindergarten and while waiting for the bus, we decided to take a photo of ourselves together.....

Am so proud seeing her grow each day, although I have to say..... growing children arent easy.......... :-s I now know the difficulties of being a mother..... :)

Winds of Change

Winds of change... that´s what I would call that is happening at the moment......

The weather changed drastically during the previous week, throughout the weekend and even till today. Many say Autumn weather is already starting as the temperature drops tremendously and the skies are starting to be even gloomier than before. Night fall appears by 830pm instead of the previous summer time 11pm. Hard to be wearing thin clothes out lately as the weather changes too drastically and you probably either be caught in the harsh bitter cold or get wet from the rain..... Time to start taking out all the winter clothes. 

And also time to start shopping for full snow and winter clothes to brace our first winter together in Germany. Shoes, clothes, jackets etc...... guess have to find one Saturday to go check things out as shops here don´t open on Sundays at all, yeap... you read correctly.... here the Sabbath day is really practiced and not just speech. In fact, shops down here closes at 8pm on Weekdays and 6 pm on Saturdays.... makes shopping all the more interesting -.- Sunday is strictly a family day. Other than the F&B line, everything else is closed, even the major shopping malls! And Sunday is the day where you´d just see all the familes on the streets of Berlin or in parks or woods having picnics together with their loved ones or families. Amazing ain´t it?! I wonder why such things are not practiced in our country.

With the coming of winter, comes our first celebration of Christmas far away from my homeland. I wonder how Christmas is like here. I know they are more into the celebration than in Malaysia, as it is a Muslim country. What more..... chances of having a white christmas is there...... woots, our first white christmas, baby and myself. ^^

Am also looking forward to November, hopefully we can be travelling to Scotland in November... *Keeps fingers crossed*

Coming to an end

It´s the 2nd last week of August now..... another month coming to an end... with the end of this month, slowly marks the end of Summer and eventually the beginning of Autumn.


A lot has happened during this times. I have finally closed down and deleted my older facebook account, leaving only one alive. Connections to my past have been all severed. Only preserving those I know will never link me back to him and his new girlfriend (and maybe his new wife) :) In a way.. I am very happy, but yet in a strange way I am sad. I am happy that he has moved on and that the girl he´s dating (is actually someone we know..... his ex-colleague) is somewhat a nice girl... but I am sad that finally all has ended and we have moved on although I know deep inside me a part of him still stays... Guess this part of him that stays will always stay till the day I die..... 


Anyways... moving on to happier things. 


Summer holidays has ended and I have now started back classes...... sending my daughter to school and then making my way, once again, to classes every morning. Lessons are tougher now, as we enter the 2nd book and stage of my course. But then again, I enjoy studying back once again. As how my daughter is enjoying kindergarten, meeting and mixing around in school.


Moving of the new house is done...... arranging and decorating not really so. Can say it´s only 70% arranged and nailed up. Guess must have somehow "lost interest" in doing hard work every weekend... so we are kinda slacking at the moment. Our living room aka TV room / Family room is in a mess.... thankfully our bedrooms are all intact and arranged. Especially Amelia´s room... completely arranged and fully furnished!


Have met a new friend here from Malaysia - Sabah to be exact - and she married a German and have been living here for 6 years. Our daughters click together.... and we try to meet up as much as we can to just chit chat and to let our kids roam around freely. It´s really feels good to finally have someone "rojak" here that speaks Malay English and etc... ^^ and not just pure German. Somehow makes me miss home more.... which at the moment I am hardening myself to not think as I don´t want to go back now. *its complicated*


We are planning to go to Scotland for our Autumn / Winter holidays in November. Plans are all in the move.... just the finalization of the holiday plans is all we need. Looking forward to going there..... time to relax and forget....... 


Did you know I miss you so much? *sighs*