Today, somehow as I was sitting in the bus, something just popped into my head and made me wanna write this down. You know, everyone should really count their blessings and appreciate their surroundings or what has been given to them or more importantly, be thankful for the people around them. You would never know what tomorrow brings, not only for you but also for everyone around you.
I have been reading a few of my friends blogs and yes, it´s somehow devastating to know, especially the ones I hold dear to me, are facing difficult times or the ones they love are diagnosed with cancer etc. It just shows how life is fragile and how much we take for granted life is. Also, ironically how we only turn to God at the most painful time of our lives. Many of us, including myself, do abandon God in our daily lives and only acknowledge His presence or start cursing Him only and especially when things don´t go our way.
My daughter and myself, both of us, have come a very long way. First of, thankfully we have the guidance and the love from my parents, especially when my marriage broke apart - irregardless of who was in the right and wrong - my parents were there taking care of my daughter and myself as both of us were mumbo jumbo"ing" in an emotional state. My daughter, being only a year old, didn´t have much to encounter except the confusion as to why daddy was never there for her even before we moved back to my parents´place. But for me, my parents had to endure a full tornado and hurricane as I battled within myself to come to terms of the marriage that fell apart and also a relationship of 12 years that was just being thrown out of the window like as if nothing of it meant anything to him.
It wasn´t an easy road for Amelia and me. But we managed to gradually grow - for my daughter gradually forget - apart from my ex husband, which I haven´t and didn´t initially intended to divorce. We, my parents and me, had many endless fights about this topic, we argued we fought we said many unforgivable things to each other, but they never let go of their eldest daughter even though to a certain point my dad completely gave up on me. I remember pushing myself and submerging myself completely into my work and also spending as much time as I can with Amelia. But thankfully for them (together with few others), we managed to overcome this big hurdle together and are now living a new life.
I was also on a spiritual struggle with God. I was, like any other human being, accusing God of all the hurt and pain I was going through back then, especially when I prayed to be given Amelia (in return I would devote her completely to God and also I would do anything in return for Him). I never once expected the "anything in return" would be this major trial and breakdown in my marriage. I never did believe that this would be something God will take in return for me having my daughter..... but then again, after months of pain and suffering, I was sort of telling myself, maybe this is a trial God is making to see if I am strong to overcome it and to trust in Him? Yea, I did my prayers and occasionally I read the bible but not that often. That´s when I slowly and gradually learn to let go, although it is tough especially if without the help of my family and few very close and good friends, and more importantly to let the anger burn away and submit to God. *ROFL* My parents and sis probably will die laughing of disbelief reading this part...... cos in the family, between them and me, I never was the "holy" one to attend church and etc... xD
Praying, or talking to myself in prayer, was much better than turning to the bible - for me that is - as I feel calmer doing it. But He made me realize and open my eyes more to my parents (the amount of pain and suffering they go through together with me, seeing me breaking down from a relationship I have been for 12 years, seeing my daughter torn apart and gradually healing her up again), and also to the few very treasured people around me who have helped me alot throughout these times even if its just sitting there and letting me cry my heart out......
These few very close and precious people I need to thank for..... Baby Jo, for being there every single moment when the cracks were starting to show, even when she was all the way in Aussie right up to when she was back and she had to cut short her date to come pick me and my daughter up to go back to my parents place to stop things from getting worse, Dezmond and Billy for always lending their shoulders for me to cry on and being what best friends normally are for.... silently listening to me cry and break apart, Shayne Cummings for giving me advice when I needed some and always making me laugh in the end and seeing the logic of things, Venice for the party of my life - yea baby you completely made me drunk out that night (OMG) but you came and breathe life back into my dull self *lolx*, Daniel who was there when I need someone to rely on, David Campbell for giving me a listening ear and telling myself to believe in myself and that I can do it even without him, my cousins for being there for me and even attending court with me as morale support, and most importantly Sven for giving both my daughter and myself a second chance at love, life and a family we can call our own.
We can never find words to thank Sven for all he has done. Not only he took the initiative and courage and responsibility of giving us, especially Amelia, a 2nd chance in life, he also takes it with full responsibility. He could have chosen someone who is single, never been married before and doesn´t have a kid, but he took on the challenge and took both myself and Amelia under his care. He provide financially, emotionally and physically for the both of us, fitting in the role of husband and father to Amelia.
I love watching the way he gives her a good night kiss and hug every night, or making breakfast for the both of us or he and Amelia making breakfast surprise for me once a while, even playing together in the playground on weekends! He juggles between working (sometimes on shifts, or even outstation trips), gaming on his laptop, spending time with me and also spending time with Amelia either watching TV together all 3 of us or just taking her out to the woods and playing frisbee or having fun together with her.... he actually takes the initiative to spend time with her even when work load gets too heavy. Weekends is strictly family time, even if he is forced to work on Saturdays, he always makes sure he is back for lunch and then time off with us. For that I am thankful, that he is able to balance up his time in such a way, unlike some men.
My daughter is very proud of him. In kindergarten, her teachers tell me she always speaks highly of Sven, telling them proudly what they do together during the weekend, or what he has done or taken her to see. It makes my heart swell with joy seeing her this happy and having a fatherly figure. Although he isn´t her biological father, but seeing her having a 2nd chance at such happiness, is more than a mother can ever ask for!
Seriously.... if we were in Malaysia.... would a man do the same thing? Majority men back home have this thing against raising a kid who isn´t theirs at all, and so having a 2nd chance of love, family and home for not only myself, but also for my baby, is more than any single mum can ask for.
For these people.... who made and gave 2nd chance to my baby and my lifes, thank you so much... I really appreciate all that you have done throughout these 3 years. From my parents to all my close friends to my life partner. Thank you for all the love, courage and believe in us. *hugs*
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