The past and the present...... two things, two different times. Sometimes, the past is forgotten, other times the past lives hand in hand with the present and..... there are times the past just cannot see eye to eye with the present. Depending on individuals and the way they see into things, not every past and present and live together in harmony side by side.
If I have a choice, I would rather have both my past and my present be able to live hand in hand together without any prejudice with each other. It makes life easier, especially for my daughter. On one hand is her biological father, whom she have no contact whatsoever for more than a year before he wanted and made an effort to see her every weekend to every once a month before we migrated and now is completely out of sight and mind for 7 months now, and on the other is her Stepfather whom has been her surrogate father for the past 7 months - playing the role of father from educating, playing, spoiling and every thing a father does together with my daughter.
I don´t want to see my daughter torn apart because of the two men in her life.
I was talking to someone online yesterday... and that person happened to be, once upon a time, a mutual friend of me and my ex husband. Thanks to his help, I realized alot of things regarding my husband - straight from my husband´s mouth (or should I say typing). For that I really thank him for it...... anyways.... I was talking to this friend of ours... and he was asking me a question, almost everyone has been asking me : "Will you let Amelia know about her father?"
First of, he is her biological father. Irregardless whether he was a good father or not, or whether he has played a fatherly role in her life before we separated - that is not the point. But the fact and the reality at the moment is, both of us (myself and my ex husband) have moved on (finally). Myself and my daughter, we migrated 10,000km away from the only home we know, aka Malaysia, to start a new life completely. New home, new friends, new surroundings, new marriage and etc. My ex husband is also already dating anew.
At this point of time, I rather Amelia forgets her past... which isn´t hard to do. We left and moved back to my parents´ place when she was only 1 year 3 months old. My ex-husband never even came to visit or call us for more than a year. He only started seeing her again (every once a month minimum or every weekend if he can) after our divorce was finalized (which was March 2010 - Amelia was already 3 years the) and the visitations started. His visits was from every weekend to every once a month to any weekend that he was available, which isn´t all that frequent. Besides, there are many a times he let her down - as in he promised to turn up but last minute didn´t turn up. I really hated seeing the rejected look in my daughter´s eyes every time he stood her up back then.
Hence, at the moment, I rather she forget as much as she can and move on with life. But, however, when she is older and of age, she wants to know more about her father, I would gladly tell her about the man I love and loved and probably in a strange forbidden way continue to love. Though I would not tell her the details of our separation, our affairs will be left between me and him although I won´t be able to stop him if he wants to tarnish and tell her everything. It is better for her to grow up, mature without the shadow of my ex husband overshadowing her life. Heck even he does overshadow mine with the stressing memories of our past 12 years.
My main concern here is that my baby, my life, grows up into a gorgeous beautiful studious and intelligent lady that I know she will be without the past haunting her. I know, from past experience as a teacher in elementary school....... a child from a divorce family will grow into two types of person only : 1) If she can accept the divorce / forgot much about the past, hence she will grow up like every other normal kid. 2) If she has hatred over the divorce, then she will grow up destroying everything and everyone whom she see is having a happy life.
I don´t want my daughter going through that path. Hence I want her to forget and move on as much as possible. If given a choice, I will even ask my ex husband to stay out as much as possible to avoid her getting more confusion over her current situation.... but, I know my ex husband well enough. He is a very understanding and loving man despite his and my misunderstandings. And my trust and love for him wins that I know he will know what is best for our daughter.
But, if I ever have a 2nd chance to talk to my ex husband, I´d say one thing. Both Amelia and myself loved him alot, more than words can ever express ourselves.
But...... We will continue moving on
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