Reflection

Just one day away from my birthday, one more day before I turn the big 3-0. Yeap, you got it right, I am 30 this year (so what? What´s so shameful of turning old? Everyone goes there one day... I ain´t those "vain" people who hides the reality of their age to everyone). 

I simply couldn´t imagine how much time has passed all these years.... just seems like yesterday i was in primary school and then secondary school....... As I sit here, in the wee hours of the morning - while my husband is snuggled nicely in bed and my daughter is snoring slightly in the opposite bedroom from our room, I somehow can´t help but reflect in all my past 30 years, the good and the bad, the sorrows and the joy. I guess I will make a long entry this time, a personal long entry, to record down bits and tads of my 30 years of life......... Doubt there is much I remember..... Or much that I am willing to dig up without being emotional and sad..... but then again, how often you turn 30? Or... more to say, has anyone ever taken the time to sit back, and reflect all their entire lives?

Reminiscing the good old times.......

I remember those days, when my family still live in that "bungalow" in Section 15, Subang Jaya. I remember how my father works shift hours and mum stays home taking care of me. I remember how both she and I always play cooking together, or how my parents have this 2 huge aquariums of fishes and they will take the time to wash the aquariums every week or is it once in two weeks? I also remember how my dad and mum fought, but yet they also have the time to play together with each other and me (that was before my sister arrived). I remember kindergarten so clearly, I attended Assunta Kindergarten - situated in Petaling Jaya. I remember that one particular boy I am close to and how his parents somehow have this thing about him being in other people´s house, but on one fine day, when the school bus sent us home there wasn´t anyone in his home. Remember how scared my friend was even to enter my home at that time..... he rather wait outside by the roadside for his parents to come home!

Fastforwarding a few years...... I switched Primary School (aka Elementary school) twice. I remember a really nice chap when I was in Standard 1, Low Chee Ming (If I spelt his name correctly). I remember he used to come to school with his grandfather, and also he was the first boy to teach me Taekwondo during our recess breaks - after seeing me getting bullied by some of the boys in school. He said, I teach you some moves to make sure they don´t always pick on you. *Thank you, it really helped alot all the way to High school ;)*

I remember, in my 2nd year of Elementary school - in a new school (Due to moving houses), a male classmate of mine passed away from cancer. We weren´t best of friends, but he was one of my friends that I hang out with during my recess breaks for that year. That was my first exposure to death. A very sad, but not yet so painful, experience for an 8 year old back then.

My grandmother, Mother´s mum, passed away when I was 11. Leaving a big gap within not only myself but also my mum. I was one of those rare kids that only have 1 grandmother - on mum´s side, and a grandpa - on dad´s side. My sister and I were much more closer to Grandma compared to Grandpa, maybe also because of the language barrier - grandpa speaks hokkien while both me and my sis the best is mandarin xD - hence the death of Grandma was quite hard on both of us. This one, held a more personal touch as we were part of the funeral. Was actually my first time being close to a dead body, and feeling all the goose bumps, although I guess I shouldn´t be feeling that way... but heck... it is still scary no matter how much I love grandma. My remaining grandparent - Grandpa - passed away when I was in my college years. 

With it, I am grandparent"less"........ feels strange in a way.

High school was memorable. That was where I learnt to speak in Cantonese. Had many "petbrothers" and also "petsisters" during my 5 years of high school. Started my first date and boyfriend at 14 - which sadly lasted a year,  and then the long relationship of 2 years - my last two years of high school - dating the popular jock in school, which ended after we left. He said " wasn´t cool to date your high school sweetheart in college" *damn* that was a bigh heart breaker.

College year was a breeze. Studying computer and databasing was indeed difficult. The world seems to be at your feet, and feeling extremely great studying and the ironic part is worrying what to wear every morning to class (hey... I am still female ;)).  Surprisingly, I didnt go clubbing or even to disco. Although I did try smoking, which only lasted for bout 2 months then I gave up completely. Didn´t enjoy it much, also it drains my allowances faster *lolx* But then, I became a social smoker, only smoking when friends ask me to. Ain´t proud of it, but somehow, in my working life later was kinda helpful cos I can entertain my clients :P I did 2 different courses, but not in the same year. I have my Advance Diploma in Computering, and then a year later continued on with Advance Diploma in Public Relations  - at another completely new college.

With this, I learnt and met many different people. Other than that, I also have been working for about 7 to 8 years - starting work at the age of 17. Somehow, when you are student, you are dying to go out to work..... but for me, somehow in a way......... I prefer studying to working. True, being a student, and having the exam stress is indeed stressful, but working... and facing the two faces of the entire world is even worse.... But I survived it. I have worked in many environments - from sales and marketing to teaching to administration work. I learnt many valuable lessons and ways of life from many precious people in the working world, especially the few kind bosses I have. =) *Thank you to those of you*


I started dating my ex husband after high school for 12 years, got married and lasted 3 years before I filed for a divorce. It would be difficult to pen down the memories of this particular moment.... not in words....... but even till today, after remarrying and living a "moved on" life, those memories burn within me. Some say, these memories are here to stay forever......... From this undying love of mine towards my ex husband, we have a beautiful daughter, who is already 5 years old, and like me - we both have moved on completely..... 10,000 km away from our original birth place.


There is no regret in moving on. I have many people who ask me, or worse, blame my current husband for the move away. There are somethings you just don´t understand as a spectator.... some things, although you think you can see and understand very well, you will never know. As two people in a relationship, no matter what they tell you as their friend, what happens behind close doors remains closed.


I admit, with the breakup of our 12 years together, I lost many friends. But yet, with it, I also know, who are those friends that really are for real. Some, who stay by my side.... are merely some pawns of spies... that just gossips about what me and my daughter are encountering back to him (which I am rather irritated with but *shrugs* who cares), but there are some.... who really are true friends that helped us out throughout the few years when my 1st marriage started breaking down. My current husband was one of the many...... For that I am thankful... :)


Looking back at a glance, motherhood was the most challenging part for me compared to being a student, a girlfriend who supports - financially emotionally and all, to a wife. But I have no regrets.


In another 24 hours, I will be turning 30. 


Every heartache, every joy, every tear that I went thru all my 30 years...... I have learnt so much from them... and I don´t regret any part of it. I have loved, I have lost and have loved once again. Life is indeed a learning curve, a learning process... never once stop learning. ^^


Happy Birthday to myself... (early wishes)