Well... I Found this article at ParenThots website regarding on what should parents do about separation anxiety..... I hope it comes in handy for you parents out there! *Cheers*
What to do about separation anxiety
3 January 2011 |
| Be firm and calm when saying goodbye to your child and do not return. He will eventually understand that you're going away but you will come back as promised. - Photo ©iStockphoto.com/ falcatraz |
By BRIGITTE ROZARIO
It's the start of the year again. If you've been on leave and are going back to work now, you might face the bawling baby as you leave her with your maid/babysitter.
If you haven't been on leave but it's the first day of school for your child, you might also face the apprehension and some tears from your clingy preschooler.
Yes, it's that time of the year again.
Elaine Yong, lecturer and developmental psychologist at Sunway University College, says about 60% of babies would experience fear of being separated from their primary caregivers.
“ Usually this begins to emerge around 6-8 months and peaks between 12-18 months,” she says.
The reasons for its development are many and varied:
- The infant’s brain begins to mature and start developing a sense of object permanence.
- The quality of substitute care (less responsive and inconsistent substitute caregiver can be a trigger)
- Stressful situations (moving to a new house, new sibling, tension at home).
What to do
According to Yong, parents can overcome separation anxiety in the following ways:
For babies:
- Avoid sending your baby to a new caregiver between the ages of 6 months and 1 year when separation anxiety is likely to peak. If you really have to, ensure that the new caregiver has been introduced to the child in the presence of the child.
- Be calm, say goodbye and leave. Do not return.
- Have practice sessions where you leave for short periods of time.
- Call to check after 20 minutes. Your baby should have clamed down by then.
When leaving for work :
- Set up a goodbye routine. The child will begin to learn to know what to expect.
- Leave your child with a familiar caregiver, such as a family member or relative.
- Inform the child when you will be home. Return home on time as promised.
With toddlers/schoolgoing children :
- Visit the nursery and school together with the child.
- Practise leaving the child and inform the child when you will be back. Keep to the promised time.
Reasons for anxiety
Yong says that there is no indication that there is any correlation between insecurities and separation anxiety in a child.
It's the start of the year again. If you've been on leave and are going back to work now, you might face the bawling baby as you leave her with your maid/babysitter.
If you haven't been on leave but it's the first day of school for your child, you might also face the apprehension and some tears from your clingy preschooler.
Yes, it's that time of the year again.
Elaine Yong, lecturer and developmental psychologist at Sunway University College, says about 60% of babies would experience fear of being separated from their primary caregivers.
“ Usually this begins to emerge around 6-8 months and peaks between 12-18 months,” she says.
The reasons for its development are many and varied:
- The infant’s brain begins to mature and start developing a sense of object permanence.
- The quality of substitute care (less responsive and inconsistent substitute caregiver can be a trigger)
- Stressful situations (moving to a new house, new sibling, tension at home).
What to do
According to Yong, parents can overcome separation anxiety in the following ways:
For babies:
- Avoid sending your baby to a new caregiver between the ages of 6 months and 1 year when separation anxiety is likely to peak. If you really have to, ensure that the new caregiver has been introduced to the child in the presence of the child.
- Be calm, say goodbye and leave. Do not return.
- Have practice sessions where you leave for short periods of time.
- Call to check after 20 minutes. Your baby should have clamed down by then.
When leaving for work :
- Set up a goodbye routine. The child will begin to learn to know what to expect.
- Leave your child with a familiar caregiver, such as a family member or relative.
- Inform the child when you will be home. Return home on time as promised.
With toddlers/schoolgoing children :
- Visit the nursery and school together with the child.
- Practise leaving the child and inform the child when you will be back. Keep to the promised time.
Reasons for anxiety
Yong says that there is no indication that there is any correlation between insecurities and separation anxiety in a child.
 |
| Yong: 'If parents are calm, the child will respond better.' |
“Studies have suggested that the temperament of the child may play a role,” she says, adding that an independent and self-confident child is possibly less likely to have separation anxiety.
“ Another reason can also be that the child responds to the parents’ emotional cues. If parents are calm, the child will respond better,” she adds.
Routines help
Yong advises parents to reassure their children each time they go out.
“ The parent can call home after 20-30 minutes and coming back on time is important. Parents should attempt to leave after the child has woken from a nap or just had a meal.
“ At night, create a bedtime routine. Spend extra time reading and cuddling with the child. If the child cries for the parent, keep the visit brief and do not pick up the child. Reassure the child that everything is okay and leave. The child will learn to fall back to sleep,” she says.
If you have a child who is already clingy and cries when you go to work, how then can you even hope of taking a holiday or going out of town for work without her?
Yong advises parents to ensure the child is comfortable with the appointed caregiver before going away for a few days.
“ Have practice sessions of one hour. If the child is all right, parents can have additional practice sessions of longer periods,” she says.
She emphasises the need for parents to be calm and consistent when dealing with their children.
“ If parents do not deal with it in a calm and consistent manner, the child will grow to use it as an excuse to avoid unpleasant and stressful situations.
“ And, if none of the suggestions above work, then consult a doctor or re-evaluate the substitute caregivers,” she says.
When to get help
According to Yong, parents should seek professional help if:
- The separation anxiety lasts up to preschool or primary school years.
- The separation begins to interfere with everyday activities.
- The child has a fear of sleeping alone that goes on beyond a few days.
- The child has nightmares.
- The child vomits, has shortness of breath or faints when the parents leave.
- The child constantly worries that something bad will happen, that she will be kidnapped, lost or there will be a death in the family.
- The child refuses to go to daycare or school.
Yong says, a professional will be able to diagnose if the child has a more severe problem called separation anxiety disorder.
According to the US Surgeon General's website ( www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/chapter3/sec6.html), separation anxiety disorder is where the anxiety or fear causes distress in the child that it affects social, academic or job functioning and it lasts at least one month.
Children with separation anxiety disorder tend to cling to their parents and even have difficulty falling asleep by themselves at night.
In fact, they cannot even bear being in school or a friend's house – anywhere that their parent is not. The fear of separation can even lead to dizziness, nausea and palpitations.
Although the cause of this disorder is not known, it could be set off by some trauma in a close-knit family. The trauma could be physical/sexual assault, death or illness in the family or even a big move.
If you believe your child's separation anxiety is turning into a disorder, then consult a doctor about it.
“ Another reason can also be that the child responds to the parents’ emotional cues. If parents are calm, the child will respond better,” she adds.
Routines help
Yong advises parents to reassure their children each time they go out.
“ The parent can call home after 20-30 minutes and coming back on time is important. Parents should attempt to leave after the child has woken from a nap or just had a meal.
“ At night, create a bedtime routine. Spend extra time reading and cuddling with the child. If the child cries for the parent, keep the visit brief and do not pick up the child. Reassure the child that everything is okay and leave. The child will learn to fall back to sleep,” she says.
If you have a child who is already clingy and cries when you go to work, how then can you even hope of taking a holiday or going out of town for work without her?
Yong advises parents to ensure the child is comfortable with the appointed caregiver before going away for a few days.
“ Have practice sessions of one hour. If the child is all right, parents can have additional practice sessions of longer periods,” she says.
She emphasises the need for parents to be calm and consistent when dealing with their children.
“ If parents do not deal with it in a calm and consistent manner, the child will grow to use it as an excuse to avoid unpleasant and stressful situations.
“ And, if none of the suggestions above work, then consult a doctor or re-evaluate the substitute caregivers,” she says.
When to get help
According to Yong, parents should seek professional help if:
- The separation anxiety lasts up to preschool or primary school years.
- The separation begins to interfere with everyday activities.
- The child has a fear of sleeping alone that goes on beyond a few days.
- The child has nightmares.
- The child vomits, has shortness of breath or faints when the parents leave.
- The child constantly worries that something bad will happen, that she will be kidnapped, lost or there will be a death in the family.
- The child refuses to go to daycare or school.
Yong says, a professional will be able to diagnose if the child has a more severe problem called separation anxiety disorder.
According to the US Surgeon General's website ( www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/chapter3/sec6.html), separation anxiety disorder is where the anxiety or fear causes distress in the child that it affects social, academic or job functioning and it lasts at least one month.
Children with separation anxiety disorder tend to cling to their parents and even have difficulty falling asleep by themselves at night.
In fact, they cannot even bear being in school or a friend's house – anywhere that their parent is not. The fear of separation can even lead to dizziness, nausea and palpitations.
Although the cause of this disorder is not known, it could be set off by some trauma in a close-knit family. The trauma could be physical/sexual assault, death or illness in the family or even a big move.
If you believe your child's separation anxiety is turning into a disorder, then consult a doctor about it.
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