12 days more

31st January....... The end of January finally.....

In another 12 more days, my daughter and I will begin our new life once again...... somehow, in these 3 years of separation, we seem to have started our new life twice now..... the first was when we left my ex husband, and now... the 2nd  new life about to start, 10,000km away from home!

Yeap, we are finally moving away!

New place, new friends, new work, new school, new everything!!!

We will be going to Deutschland to start our new life. New home to settle in. Excitement and sadness courses through everyone of us who are involved. The sadness of parting, especially for my parents, from here is great for me. For my baby, I guess it will affect her eventually but then again, she grew up with Grandpa by her side. So, its only natural that her sadness bout Grandpa not around will be only too obvious. *prays* I just hope we can overcome this stage then. 

I am leaving alot of memories behind. Those especially with my ex husband and love. It was sad seeing him break down that day when I told him the news.... How I forced smiles and laughter, was still a miracle to me, although... he thought I find it amusing and was slightly insulted...... *sighs* if you only knew, how much it still hurts seeing you in pain..... but then again, the cold heartless lady you see before you with icy features... its merely just a creation of yours. You thought me well in controlling my emotions, although I am still quite a failure in it.... but believe me....... it hurts even much more than you can imagine........ 

My close friends... and not so close friends.... my colleagues whom I grew to love and hate....... all the bittersweet memories with everyone...... not forgetting his side of the family whom I still keep in contact with even though we are no longer together....... 

I would so miss all of them greatly.......

Sometimes, I really do wish that things were differently.... that whatever happened didn´t happen... but then again, time has a different tale to tell..... God had a different plan for me. He blessed me with a child, made me go through the rough time of keeping her and made me go through the worse separation I ever gone thru with the man I loved for more than a decade..... and making me walk bravely alone with my daughter back into life again. 

I am happier now, in a very vast way. I am thankful for his path that he "craved" out last minute for me. It hurt, yea, I accused Him too, yea (hey.. I am only human!), but.... I finally am at ease, even when seeing him or the girls that were involved in separating us. 

I constantly still pray for his well being and all..... I still care for him. But that´s all that is left with. 

Now, as the days draws nearer, 12 days more to go,

I pray for all those around me.... that each and everyone of us have the strength to move on and to let me and my baby go to venture out on our own. Less hurt, less pains, less conflicts..... And for that one special man, I pray he will find true love one day. And that the lady whom he truly loves will love him even more than I used to love him. I pray God will bless him in this.......

As Chinese New Year draws nearer, as all of us get busier by the day, I and my daughter are busy ourselves.... busy preparing and packing, and most important of all.... busy meeting up with everyone possible for a last goodbye, a last hug..... and if possible, a last photo together (doubt I could get a last photo together with my ex though ROFL).....

Doubting I could even meet up with all in time.... but for those I get to meet, I´m thankful for your time, even if its just a short couple of hours.

We will begin our long travel to our new life in 12 days time.........