12 days more

31st January....... The end of January finally.....

In another 12 more days, my daughter and I will begin our new life once again...... somehow, in these 3 years of separation, we seem to have started our new life twice now..... the first was when we left my ex husband, and now... the 2nd  new life about to start, 10,000km away from home!

Yeap, we are finally moving away!

New place, new friends, new work, new school, new everything!!!

We will be going to Deutschland to start our new life. New home to settle in. Excitement and sadness courses through everyone of us who are involved. The sadness of parting, especially for my parents, from here is great for me. For my baby, I guess it will affect her eventually but then again, she grew up with Grandpa by her side. So, its only natural that her sadness bout Grandpa not around will be only too obvious. *prays* I just hope we can overcome this stage then. 

I am leaving alot of memories behind. Those especially with my ex husband and love. It was sad seeing him break down that day when I told him the news.... How I forced smiles and laughter, was still a miracle to me, although... he thought I find it amusing and was slightly insulted...... *sighs* if you only knew, how much it still hurts seeing you in pain..... but then again, the cold heartless lady you see before you with icy features... its merely just a creation of yours. You thought me well in controlling my emotions, although I am still quite a failure in it.... but believe me....... it hurts even much more than you can imagine........ 

My close friends... and not so close friends.... my colleagues whom I grew to love and hate....... all the bittersweet memories with everyone...... not forgetting his side of the family whom I still keep in contact with even though we are no longer together....... 

I would so miss all of them greatly.......

Sometimes, I really do wish that things were differently.... that whatever happened didn´t happen... but then again, time has a different tale to tell..... God had a different plan for me. He blessed me with a child, made me go through the rough time of keeping her and made me go through the worse separation I ever gone thru with the man I loved for more than a decade..... and making me walk bravely alone with my daughter back into life again. 

I am happier now, in a very vast way. I am thankful for his path that he "craved" out last minute for me. It hurt, yea, I accused Him too, yea (hey.. I am only human!), but.... I finally am at ease, even when seeing him or the girls that were involved in separating us. 

I constantly still pray for his well being and all..... I still care for him. But that´s all that is left with. 

Now, as the days draws nearer, 12 days more to go,

I pray for all those around me.... that each and everyone of us have the strength to move on and to let me and my baby go to venture out on our own. Less hurt, less pains, less conflicts..... And for that one special man, I pray he will find true love one day. And that the lady whom he truly loves will love him even more than I used to love him. I pray God will bless him in this.......

As Chinese New Year draws nearer, as all of us get busier by the day, I and my daughter are busy ourselves.... busy preparing and packing, and most important of all.... busy meeting up with everyone possible for a last goodbye, a last hug..... and if possible, a last photo together (doubt I could get a last photo together with my ex though ROFL).....

Doubting I could even meet up with all in time.... but for those I get to meet, I´m thankful for your time, even if its just a short couple of hours.

We will begin our long travel to our new life in 12 days time......... 

A Public Holiday - Car Wash Day

A public holiday it was....

We woke up quite late ourselves, bout 1130am....... Was nice sleeping in with my beautiful daughter...... Being stuck at home, there wasn´t much to do except to play together and to watch TV together........

Then, I thought of a remarkable idea! Let´s do Car wash together...... My daughter..... looked at me with her big big eyes...... sure... she wanna wash the car together with mummy... but she doesn´t want to get wet! O.o How in the world.... do you expect to do car wash without getting wet?!


But then again... lolx... I hesitate long enough...... my daughter, getting the "fun" of washing the car, sponging my beloved blackie with soap and water....... she completely put her little heart into washing the car.... My "tiny" mistake.... was to pass her the garden hose to spray water on the car! xD

Initially, she did the task of washing off the soap really well..... Then, looking at mummy with that absolutely melting heart cheeky grin of hers, she decided to spray the water onto mummy! xD Hence...... from washing my car, we ended up doing a water fight, with my daughter at a greater bigger advantage as she was holding the garden hose while ...... mummy only has a sponge in her hands!


Too bad there wasn´t anyone available to help take a photo of us while we were water fighting..... I only managed to get few shots of my daughter trying out her hands on washing a car..... but.... none of both of us together doing it :(


And amusingly, after this car wash, she actually asked me... " Mummy, when can we wash your car again?!" O.o


Utter amusement!

January 2011

The 2nd last week of January.....
Time sure seems to fly alot and pretty fast too lately. Or is it always? Just seems like yesterday I was just jotting down my Happy New Year wishes in the blog, and now, a month has crossed!

We have been busy for the month of January, myself busy with work and the last few works that has to be completed. My daughter, busy being a kid.... and busy gradually adapting more to a brand new life we are encountering together as a team. 

My daughter is growing up into a beautiful young lady. This year, she´d be turning 4, in March. Been traveling all over and around Malaysia, especially Peninsular Malaysia, travelled out of Malaysia to Singapore, Perth and so on, and done so many things, seen so many things. 

I am greatly thankful and happy, with the help of my parents taking care of her, myself juggling between work and her deducting completely my social life (do I even have one? Hmmmmmmmzzzz naahhhh ^^), she grows into a remarkable young lady with extra ordinary wonderful intelligence and having a broad mind, unlike some of us who are so "narrow minded" down here.

With all the busy bustling, my daughter also has one incredible sense of humor that just amazes me! She is my source of joy every day upon returning home from work, my wonderful comforter when I need a big big hug, and of course.... the one and only one that drives me completely bananas with her stubbornness (contributor of both her parents... ROFL... my ex husband and myself are god damn bloody stubborn people!) and her 1001 questions especially the WHY questions!


But then again, that´s life! :)


Children growing up, growing older, curiousity grows stronger......... characteristics starts building...... 


Part and parcel of life! :)

Have you ever wonder....... how life is without a child! I simply can´t imagine my life without this cheeky growing baby of mine........ I am learning so much from the eyes of my daughter, and from watching my daughter in our daily lives, while we are out together, etc.... she never fails to amaze me!! 

Now, as January is coming to an end, Chinese New Year fast approaching, our preparations to continue our steadfast journey into life and the busy time of Chinese New Year, I am yet thrown into the hustle and bustle of the wonderful event. On top of that, I am still tempted to taking my daughter and start our Chinese New Year Stops throughout KL once again, but yet, should I do so? I failed to complete 25 stops for Christmas, due to the on going events day to day that took up my time and attention. I wonder if I could do so for Chinese New Year, with our upcoming changes and such....... 


There are few more things I am currently trying to do, to complete before end of the month. Time is running short, February is knocking around the corner....... 


My daughter´s excitement is building up.... excitement + nervousness + anxiousness.......


ROFL


We are a contagious pair!

With the coming of a brand new year.... our children are also once again, starting school in their various schools at various different areas. But....... is sometimes sending our children to school abit tad difficult? Especially the younger ones? Do they actually cling onto you and start crying and such?

Well... I Found this article at ParenThots website regarding on what should parents do about separation anxiety..... I hope it comes in handy for you parents out there! *Cheers*

What to do about separation anxiety

3 January 2011

Be firm and calm when saying goodbye to your child and do not return. He will eventually understand that you're going away but you will come back as promised. - Photo ©iStockphoto.com/ falcatraz

By BRIGITTE ROZARIO

It's the start of the year again. If you've been on leave and are going back to work now, you might face the bawling baby as you leave her with your maid/babysitter.

If you haven't been on leave but it's the first day of school for your child, you might also face the apprehension and some tears from your clingy preschooler.

Yes, it's that time of the year again.

Elaine Yong, lecturer and developmental psychologist at Sunway University College, says about 60% of babies would experience fear of being separated from their primary caregivers.

“ Usually this begins to emerge around 6-8 months and peaks between 12-18 months,” she says.

The reasons for its development are many and varied:

- The infant’s brain begins to mature and start developing a sense of object permanence.

- The quality of substitute care (less responsive and inconsistent substitute caregiver can be a trigger)

- Stressful situations (moving to a new house, new sibling, tension at home).

What to do

According to Yong, parents can overcome separation anxiety in the following ways:

For babies:

- Avoid sending your baby to a new caregiver between the ages of 6 months and 1 year when separation anxiety is likely to peak. If you really have to, ensure that the new caregiver has been introduced to the child in the presence of the child.

- Be calm, say goodbye and leave. Do not return.

- Have practice sessions where you leave for short periods of time.

- Call to check after 20 minutes. Your baby should have clamed down by then.

When leaving for work :

- Set up a goodbye routine. The child will begin to learn to know what to expect.

- Leave your child with a familiar caregiver, such as a family member or relative.

- Inform the child when you will be home. Return home on time as promised.

With toddlers/schoolgoing children :

- Visit the nursery and school together with the child.

- Practise leaving the child and inform the child when you will be back. Keep to the promised time.

Reasons for anxiety

Yong says that there is no indication that there is any correlation between insecurities and separation anxiety in a child.
 

Yong: 'If parents are calm, the child will respond better.'

“Studies have suggested that the temperament of the child may play a role,” she says, adding that an independent and self-confident child is possibly less likely to have separation anxiety.

“ Another reason can also be that the child responds to the parents’ emotional cues. If parents are calm, the child will respond better,” she adds.

Routines help

Yong advises parents to reassure their children each time they go out.

“ The parent can call home after 20-30 minutes and coming back on time is important. Parents should attempt to leave after the child has woken from a nap or just had a meal.

“ At night, create a bedtime routine. Spend extra time reading and cuddling with the child. If the child cries for the parent, keep the visit brief and do not pick up the child. Reassure the child that everything is okay and leave. The child will learn to fall back to sleep,” she says.

If you have a child who is already clingy and cries when you go to work, how then can you even hope of taking a holiday or going out of town for work without her?

Yong advises parents to ensure the child is comfortable with the appointed caregiver before going away for a few days.

“ Have practice sessions of one hour. If the child is all right, parents can have additional practice sessions of longer periods,” she says.

She emphasises the need for parents to be calm and consistent when dealing with their children.

“ If parents do not deal with it in a calm and consistent manner, the child will grow to use it as an excuse to avoid unpleasant and stressful situations.

“ And, if none of the suggestions above work, then consult a doctor or re-evaluate the substitute caregivers,” she says.

When to get help

According to Yong, parents should seek professional help if:

- The separation anxiety lasts up to preschool or primary school years.

- The separation begins to interfere with everyday activities.

- The child has a fear of sleeping alone that goes on beyond a few days.

- The child has nightmares.

- The child vomits, has shortness of breath or faints when the parents leave.

- The child constantly worries that something bad will happen, that she will be kidnapped, lost or there will be a death in the family.

- The child refuses to go to daycare or school.

Yong says, a professional will be able to diagnose if the child has a more severe problem called separation anxiety disorder.

According to the US Surgeon General's website ( www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/chapter3/sec6.html), separation anxiety disorder is where the anxiety or fear causes distress in the child that it affects social, academic or job functioning and it lasts at least one month.

Children with separation anxiety disorder tend to cling to their parents and even have difficulty falling asleep by themselves at night.

In fact, they cannot even bear being in school or a friend's house – anywhere that their parent is not. The fear of separation can even lead to dizziness, nausea and palpitations.

Although the cause of this disorder is not known, it could be set off by some trauma in a close-knit family. The trauma could be physical/sexual assault, death or illness in the family or even a big move.

If you believe your child's separation anxiety is turning into a disorder, then consult a doctor about it.

Say Goodbye

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

The tune of this song keeps playing within my mind. The song so sad, so appropriate. Reminiscing the good old times is good sometimes, but yet, when memories surfaces, the hurt and pain happens too. 


Actually... it sort of reminds me in a lot of ways..... the choices I have decided to take, the course of road I took back then. The decisions I made, hurts so much even until today, though the pain is gradually dying out. But..... if it´s the only way for you and me, what else can we do?

Some things just can´t be changed, but then, to be just merely treasured and appreciated. 

Although 3 years has passed (it´s entering our 3rd year), although I still care alot about you, Our last goodbye was said the day we turned away from each other without looking back. My only hope and dreams are that you´d find someone who truly loves you the way I do and that this time, you´d treasure and appreciate her, and not turn a deaf ear to her. 


For no matter how far apart we are, no matter how we both have moved on in our lives, you are and will always be a part of me that can´t be forgotten. Should you ever need a friend or someone to rely on, I am here should you need a friend. Nothing more, nothing less... but just a friend who loved you and have been with you for a whole decade.


God bless in all you do.