In Loving Memory

Today I heard the most upsetting news I have ever heard for a long time and made me breakdown and cry to want to go home.


A very good friend of mine who has been battling with Stage 4 cancer finally passed away peacefully and returned to the Lord.


I have known Elizabeth Mah back then since newly in College - 17 / 18 years old. She was one of the fellow Church goers in Pantai First Baptist Church. I newly joined a  group in Church known as the College and Career Fellowship (CCFers) group. This is a bible study group that meets up every Friday night for about an hour of Bible study. She was a remarkable lady back then. Before marrying Henry, I met both of them in church together, although not in the same bible study group, we became friends.


I remember how I used to follow her and her group of CCFers to go on holiday trips to nearby places and for roller blading evening outs in the weekends and even "makan makan" sessions (eating out sessions) all over town. We had so much fun, so much memories. When we all first met, we were all in our early adulthood lives, newly working people or college people. Throughout the years, every one of us in the group gradually grow up, get married, have a family and even a home bible study group. But we still kept in touch - especially myself, by sending them post cards for Chinese New Year, Christmas and even birthdays. We even still meet from time to time in church - especially on Sundays - or in chats.


Liz is indeed a remarkable lady. After losing contact for a few years, myself growing up, getting married and having my own daughter, we finally meet back again in church. I was devastated to initially know from my mother that Liz is at Stage 4 cancer. I even remember talking to her, asking her.... "Aren´t you scared?" ?  "How does it feel?"


I still remember her smiles, bitter sweet but full of confidence, telling me about her remarkable travel with God for the past 2 years while she battled on with her cancer and Henry and her kids by her side together with the rest of us praying for her. She had a lot of faith in God, compared to many ordinary church goers. Sometimes it was from her I gather my courage and my beliefs that God is always there even during my darkest and saddest moments even right up till today.


To hear from my sister that she is suddenly gone, when just 2 1/2 weeks ago we were just chatting and was saying that we should meet up when I go back Malaysia next year in February is so painful.


I will miss her bravery, her remarkable faith will live in me and all the advices she has given to me will live within me.


Thank You Liz, for making me see many things, especially that miracles do happen when you believe. 
I really miss you alot from 10,000km away from you. I really wish I could just go and meet you one more time. Reminiscing those wonderful moments I spent with the CCFers was my best moments of them all.


To Henry and his two beautiful sons, my prayers will always be with you. ღ♥

Here comes October

October has finally approached.. with it the days are growing shorter, night falls appears way much earlier. Skies turned into complete darkness by the time it´s 8pm and getting earlier and earlier as day goes by. Nights are turning into icy cold, temperature drops tremendously during the night. Even the days are colder now and sometimes its best not to venture outdoors without a jacket. 


It´s been 8 months now since we landed in this foreign land and make ourselves a new home and a new life in this foreign land. With the help of our newfound family and friends, life is slightly easier to pass by.

We have been touring around Berlin - although not the entire city - much in these months. Many valuable photos taken, many memorable moments captured and candid moments captured. We have marked our "spots" with our memories. Friends from all over Berlin, meeting up with friends who came to visit and such. Even Amelia is having alot of fun, although have to say that the older she grows, the more problems she is giving - especially her stubborness and her naughtiness and cheekiness and the ability to don´t listen and obey instructions given. But then again, I guess that´s the way of children. I mustn´t forget, growing up, I was growing in the same direction having my parents yell at me and disciplining me alot also. But then again, I also understand one part...... How much pain it feels to scold or punish your own child *sighs*....... 


Homesickness.........


Amelia misses Grandpa and Grandma alot. Although I know both my parents would love to webcam every day with her, but then again sad to say I had to set "rules".... schooling days I needed Amelia to sleep earlier and besides, due to the time difference it is sometimes hard to comply with the meeting especially during the weekends when we have appointments with friends and such. I know many people get the wrong meaning. They think I am trying to cut off completely home away.

I guess one thing no one will ever understand is how much I miss life back home in Malaysia. Don´t also misunderstand me.... I really love it here, and really love the new life together with Sven, but then, some things are not that easy to be let go or forgotten.

I miss the fact that I used to be independent from men, even my ex husband. At the moment, I am not working and am completely dependable on hubby. Not because I chose to not work, but because of the laws and government here, to work I need to be fluently speaking German and reading - hence my German courses (which apparently I am hating like fucks) at the moment. I loved the fact that I was independent and able to do whatever I want financially also back then. I miss being able to just hang out at the local "mamak" with friends or even with my ex husband when we meet up to hang out with our daughter. I miss being able to drive around town, go window shopping or shopping whenever I want, or to take my daughter to the Bird Park and such back home in KL like how we used to do every weekend.  Ironically, I miss the constant nagging of my parents also *omg*........ Also miss hanging out with "Siao Gu" and her family, or even with Amelia´s great grand mother. I miss going to Dezmond´s place almost every alternate day to hang out in his place just eating dinner that we bought back to his place or order in and even missing Boboy (Jack boy - Dezzie´s dog) alot.

There are moments....... when I am here in Germany, the lonely moments of mine when the flashbacks of every single memory I have with every single person I love in my life - even my ex husband - flashes before my eyes....... every single memory, precious as it may..... But yet.... how did I end up learning to bottle up all my emotions and keeping a "poker face" to everyone?  Guess I had a good teacher all these years........ 


God, I so miss my dad... and my mum... I miss the familiarity of the house I have lived in since a little girl...... I miss being able to just hang out with Baby Jo and all..... 


But then, life has been well for me. God has been protecting, if not me - my baby, alot. We  have a good home here, a great man that loves us equally even though we drive him up the walls daily - especially with our differences (hmmmmmm the Western and Asian differences can be killing at times...... trust me.. I am going through it with hubby most of the time xD), and someone who gave us a 2nd chance at life by showing us that there is still hope. For that, I am grateful to him and to God for bringing this man into our lives.


For those of you reading this back home. Understand this.... staying away doesn´t mean I want to cut all ties. We need time to adjust, especially Amelia. She doesn´t understand the distance gap between us. She doesn´t understand how 10,000km can come between us and her grandparents. Nor does she understand the time difference between Malaysia and Germany. Also, blending in, we have our new lives to go along with. Times may not suit up.


We miss every single one of you back home, especially those we love dearly in our heart.

But now..... we are looking forward to our first Autumn and Winter together.

Thursday September 29, 2011

Remembering Soo, the service dog

WHEEL POWER
By ANTHONY THANASAYAN

Farewell Soo, loyal companion and dear friend.

THERE was great sadness in my home last week. Soolam, my senior service dog, was put down. He was 13. The decision to euthanise Soo, as my other dogs and I fondly knew him, was not at all easy.
The move was quickly reached when the Golden Retriever could no longer stand or walk. He could not even eat his meals without throwing up.

However, everything about Soo’s final journey on earth turned out to be as intriguing and uncanny as the day when he first arrived.

He was barely two months old then. The pup was a gift from a couple who were doctors. The purpose was to see if a retriever could make a good service dog.

Friend for life: The writer spending precious moments with Soo before he was euthanised.

 

He needed to be fed as many as four times a day. I had to clean up after a dog that seemed to have an endless supply of poo.

The most difficult part, however, was to grab the pup and put him back in his crate. Fortunately, his senior canine partners literally lent their paws to solve the problem.

Soo had a knack of chasing the big dogs around the house. One of them would cleverly use the situation to dash back to me so that I could grab Soo.

The experience of raising and training Soo helped to psyche me up. And as for Soo, he went on to become a service dog that was parallel to none.

He was the perfect companion to attend meetings with. He’d been to church numerous times and even stayed completely unnoticed at government meetings. Some of the chairpersons discovered his presence only after the event.

He has helped me in unusual places, too. These include in the toilet at the United Nations building in Kuala Lumpur (when my shoe was out of reach and the soap fell on the floor).

He also sat through a serious discussion with people with AIDS at the Malaysian AIDS Council.
On top of all these, Soo had appeared scores of times in the media which included newspapers, TV and radio. He was the main star of a special video which featured my service dogs.

Once when I was caught in a 30-minute thunderstorm in a forest, Soo chose to get drenched with me in the heavy downpour rather than seek shelter elsewhere.

In his more than a decade of service, Soo relished his car rides the most – so much so that I became his private chauffeur. We must have travelled thousands of kilometres over the decade and only once, in all those years, did he throw up in the back seat.

Once our adventure led us all the way to Penang on a gruelling 24-hour trip where Soo performed and wowed several hundred people at a dog event with his service dog skills.

On that fateful Sunday morning, an extremely feeble Soo looked straight into my eyes. It was as if he was telling me to be strong for him and do the right thing to painlessly end his suffering.
He never once whimpered or flinched. He took every opportunity to lay his head on my shoulder or hands whenever I was by his side.

Despite the pain, Soo remained resolute and dignified in the back seat of my car during his final journey to the veterinarian. He was on my lap with his head held high as I wheeled into the clinic.
I made sure that my hero fell asleep before he entered into eternal sleep. The clinic didn’t charge me anything for putting a great dog down.

Another doctor, who is an expert in dog show winning breeds, offered to bury Soo in his yard at home.

My king, I’m proud to say, is now privileged to be the only retriever laid to rest with other national and international champion Doberman and German Shepherd Dog breeds that have crossed over the rainbow bridge before him.

Even more amazing is the fact that Soo is buried in the home of the mother of my latest and youngest service dog candidate, Dobe Ace Zhar the Doberman.

Last Saturday, Zhar and I were at an international dog show in KL with more than 200 dogs from all over Asia. And although I was the only person in a wheelchair there, Zhar stuck close to me much like Soo used to do during happier days.

And by a very strange coincidence, Zhar kept climbing up on my lap several times as if to say: “Don’t worry, you’re safe now. I’m with you.”

Angels don’t always come with wings; sometimes they have tails, even if it happens to be a rather short one.

He did it his way

I found this article that is very meaningful and very inspiring. If you happened to stumble on this post, read the post till it´s end.
It´s a sad story, with a sad ending.... but then again, it teaches us many things about life.

Sunday September 11, 2011

He did it his way

By NG ZHU HANN

A young man who placed family first showed that nothing is impossible when your heart is in it.

MY best friend Terrence Phang Ying Choy was from SMK Bandar Utama, Selangor. I had known him for 12 years, since primary school. I literally grew up with him and he was like a brother to me.

Ying Choy came from a poor background. His father is a contractor and his mother, a housewife. He had two younger siblings and they live in a rented apartment.

Like most Chinese-educated students, his command of English was comparatively weaker than that of his peers. He was also an ordinary student with no special talent in sports or music.

However, Ying Choy worked twice as hard as his peers and did really well in school. He scored 6As and 1B in his UPSR, 8As in his PMR and 9A1s and 2As in his SPM.

Beloved son, brother and friend: Terrence Phang Ying Choy.

Despite his good results he failed to secure any scholarship after Form Five. Because his father’s construction jobs are seasonal, he decided to work to supplement the family’s income and support his younger brothers, instead of furthering his studies. He did sales and marketing for his uncle’s firm, worked on a construction site and gave tuition four times a week for one full year. In fact, he was the sole breadwinner during the economic downturn in 2007.

When his father’s income became more stable as the property market picked up again, Ying Choy decided to go back to his studies. He felt manual labour was not enough to help the family.

He enrolled in Form Six, studied for about three months, then dropped out. He switched to A-levels at Tunku Abdul Rahman (TAR) College, where he got a full subsidy for his course. But he dropped out after two months.

Finally, he enrolled in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman for a foundation programme, which he completed. Once again, he stopped studying and went back to work for some months.

Ying Choy dropped out three times because he could not focus on his studies knowing that his siblings would be leaving school soon and needed money to further their education.

One day, he saw some Facebook pictures of his secondary school friends who were studying in London, on tour in the Swiss Alps. He wondered why others could do it while he could not. He realised it wasn’t because they were smarter but that they had better opportunities.

So he withdrew the RM17,000 he had saved from working and took a leap of faith – he signed up for an express A-levels programme that Sunway College had just introduced.

The gamble was that if he did well, he would get an offer from a good university, which would enable him to get a scholarship. He could then use the money to study and save some for his family.

After being away from books for almost one-and-a-half years, Ying Choy had to struggle to cope. Every day he attended college from 8am to 6pm; went home for dinner; gave tuition from 8 to 10pm, and then revised his lessons from 10.30pm to 12.30am. He did this for a whole year.

Early 2009, Ying Choy received offers from five top British universities: the London School of Economics, Imperial College London, Warwick University, University College London and University of Cambridge. He also got offers from Melbourne University and the National University of Singapore.

He was shocked and elated. He least expected to get a place in Cambridge, which many top Malaysian students had failed to get into, what more a boy whose pre-U studies was never exceptional.

Despite the good news, he still had to get the scholarship.

After being rejected by various companies and foundations, he finally received an offer from Sime Darby, one month before Cambridge’s acceptance deadline. Ying Choy had defied the odds to attain a place in the one of the best universities in the world.

That year, he stepped on an aeroplane for the first time in his life. It was his first trip abroad and the first time he had left home. He was the first in his family to go for tertiary education.

He promised them he would come back and life would be good after he graduated. He would take them to Europe and buy a new house so they need not have to rent.

Ying Choy spent wisely and saved substantially. Every month, he sent home a large portion of his allowance.

He did remarkably in his first year at Cambridge, scoring first class honours and was ranked 37 among the 160 engineering students in his batch. He did equally well in his second year.

In July, Ying Choy came home for the summer holidays. His family had been looking forward to his return and everyone had a good time with him back.

But life took a cruel twist on Sept 1. At 6am that morning, he had breathing difficulties and collapsed by the side of his bed.

My best friend died about six hours after I last saw him. He had looked perfectly healthy then. In fact, he was a basketball player and a gym rat.

He was buried on Sept 4. He was only 22.

A large portion of his savings – he had saved over RM50,000 for his siblings’ education – was used for the funeral expenses. His family, who are still in shock, now have to worry about their younger sons’ education even as they grieve for their eldest boy.

Ying Choy strongly believed in self-help. He was vehemently against using connections as the way to success. He was living proof that meritocracy still exists today.

I will always miss him.

I´m sorry (The story of the Pencil & the Eraser)

Pencil: I'm sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorry cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)


I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way... they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on).

Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.

"All my life, I've been the pencil.. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day.

For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have..."


This is to all the parents out there...

Ending of September

September is coming to an end once again..... Time seems to be passing by extremely quickly. Maybe it really is or maybe just cos we never realize that it is passing by so fast..... Can´t believe it that the year is almost ending and September is ending - with it comes October *bright and shining*


23rd September marks the day (Calender wise) Autumn begins officially, although temperature and weather wise, Autumn has already arrived a long long time ago. However, even until now we still get to see the trees changing the colors of their leaves, some even already balding.... Amelia finds the colors of the falling leaves very interesting. Always asking me why are there so many different colors of leaves on the ground......

As I sit here and pen down our thoughts, daily ongoings and such, a pang of regret hits me..... regret that time is passing so fast always. Regret that we couldn´t celebrate the Mooncake Festival the way it used to be back home here. But from those regret, appeared new hope, new ways and new life.... I guess that´s always a part and parcel of life.......

In a glimpse of an eye, both of us have already been here 7 months and 14 days already. We have experienced the ending of Winter, the beginning and ending of Spring and Summer and now finally Autumn. We have gone through alot of hardships together, also together with our new Papa / hubby. I won´t say life has been a bed of roses here for us. We have our share of ups and downs together with Sven and also with each other.... Especially for me and Sven.


We knew it won´t be an easy path, especially when bringing two different cultures / beliefs / traditions together. When East meets West, When Western meets Asian.... everything goes haywire. But we try our best to make it work.


I guess the most painful one is the one involving my daughter. We, Sven and myself, have very different opinions about her behaviour and such. For me, being from a very "cincai" family, I basically have few basic requirements in Amelia. As long as she behaves, has manners and isn´t rude - the rest of her naughtiness can sometimes be "overlooked" by me... however, here in Germany, there are many "dos and don´ts" involving children. Believe me...... even if I take the whole day blogging, I won´t be able to finish penning down the things they allow and don´t allow down here, especially in children. 

Somehow, I feel that they are just too strict in the upbringing of children. Here I thought back home is being a total idiot and moron for doing certain stuff, here.... there are certain things that just baffles me..... Children are always noisy..... so what? But here... *sighs*......... voices must be down by 730pm latest 8pm, you can´t go stomping and squealing about and etc..... Feels quite uptight sometimes bringing up children here you know, in my personal opinion..... hence there are argumentations between me and Sven occasionally or constantly when it comes to Amelia.


Sorry...... One thing everyone and anyone should know.....


I do not take orders nor do I allow anyone to just scold and scream at my daughter. Hell... not even my ex husband I allowed back then. I understand... things might be slightly difficult for Sven at the moment as he never had a kid before, never married before and never lived with a kid 24/7 before. There are different set of expectations from him - especially from a different upbringing than mine. I mean.... hell.... even my ex-husband used to have problems blending in as our daughter´s father back then. We are only human..... But I don´t want my daughter to undergo a complete 360° transformation for anyone - even if we are living in a different country. 


Amelia and myself have been learning every day tremendously the moment we stepped into Germany. We have been learning from street wise, culture wise, food wise and even language wise. I have to praise my daughter. She is coping far more better off than me. Probably she has the protection of me and also Sven from things - although Sven is more of "let her experience more on her own" while me, being typical me - and all that she has been thru the past 4 years of her life, tend to be slightly more "overprotective" than him. But thank God, she is integrating herself much more easier than I am, learning faster than I am and most importantly.......blending in better than I am. The only problem she ever has..... like any growing child....... attitude and manners problem.


I know I know.... the "honeymoon" years are almost over. My baby is a big girl now. She is smarter (definitely) and also more naughtier. She pushes her luck to the maximum most of the time, purposely doing things she knows will make you angry... and then starts crying when not getting her way or showing her temper when not getting her way. It really hurts to scold or even smack her as punishment.. but somehow, she doesn´t seem to react with talking nicely and reasoning. *sighs* Do all parents go through this stage? :(

Anyway........ September met with us meeting up a numerous times with Audrey and Ley Poh together with our kids, and also Winnie & family visit to Berlin for 4 days. We had made many numerous memories and photos together with many people that came to visit us in this month, together with our daily photos and activities together. With the changing of seasons...... I guess in a couple of months time would be time once again to catch my daughter in her beautiful snowsuits and winterboots out in the snow making snowballs.

We shared many joyous moments and created many valuable memories with the friends and love ones. Hanging around Potsdam and all around Pankow, Berlin with our local friends as often as we can, and more importantly spending time with each other and with Sven as a family. The happy moments all captured in photos - I love candid shots.. sometimes they are the most beautiful shots a person can make......


But.... for me, personally.........

The most joyous moment and the most treasured and valuable moment for me was to finally be able to bridge the gap with my ex husband once and for good. We spent a good deal of time messaging each other the other day and........ finally alles klar. Although that is one chapter of my life that will remain locked forever with love and precious memories, thank you dear..... for bridging that gap. Because for me, to me, you have always been not only my partner and husband back then, but also my most trusted friend whom I can turn to and count in whenever I am in need of help, advice and so forth. And I am glad to have you back into my life again, especially for Amelia. For her, it means a great deal for her.


She has came to accept the fact that she is one very special little girl who has 2 daddies there to love and care for her. One whom she calls daddy and the other she calls papa. But, she loves both the men in her life equally much. Thank you God for such a wonderful little girl.


Happy Ending of September and Hello Autumny October


Oh oh......... and from what I heard from hubby....


Happy Halloween!!!! *Soon*

Hello Kitty Baking Day

Today is baking Sunday once again..... after so many months... we are baking once again, for the 2nd time......


But this time... it´s only Papa and baby baking session.... Mummy is the photographer, taking photos of all that is transpiring between the two of them...... 


It´s special today..... Baby has to help.... because we are baking Hello Kitty muffins today! Baby´s favourite "idol" at the moment : Hello Kitty.... she was literally jumping for joy when Papa say lets do baking, Hello Kitty baking today!


Well, we decided to change the muffins abit... instead of the icy thick pink icing on top of the muffin, we diluted the sugar completely into water and used a small spoon to cover the top of the muffin with them - each and every one of the muffins. Then after that, we took an additional 1 hour to nearly 2 hours for the sugar coating to dry up and soak into the muffin before serving it......

Outcome of it?

                         


Amelia LOVES It completely! Kept saying "Danke papa" non stop to Sven! *smiles*

Decision : We are gonna make them again next month or so... but this time we will try the thick icy pink icing... xD 

No Plastic Bag day? Customers say ‘I would rather pay’

Sunday September 25, 2011

No Plastic Bag day? Customers say ‘I would rather pay’

By QISHIN TARIQ and WINNIE YEOH
newsdesk@thestar.com.my

PETALING JAYA: Consumers in the Klang Valley are still using plastic bags when they shop despite the “No Plastic Bag” campaign introduced early this year.

Trader Mohd Noor Mohd Salleh, 32, said the policy was not that effective.

“At 20 sen a plastic bag, people can afford to pay for a few if they don't bring their own bags,” he added.

Gentle reminder: Signage in hypermarkets urging customers to bring their own shopping bags on Saturdays or be charged 20 sen per plastic bag.

Retired teacher Datin Zainab Karin, 71, said she has been making a conscious effort to reduce her use of plastic bags since the policy was introduced.

“I usually keep a few reusable bags in my car, as I sometimes forget to pack bags when I go shopping,” she said.

Recreational supervisor Mohd Arsat Marzuki, 24, said the policy might change the habits of people, but it still wasn't effective as many shop on impulse when they are near a hypermarket.

“Those who shop that way don't mind paying for bags as they don't usually buy so much anyway,” he added.

Fomca secretary-general Muhammad Sha'ani Abdullah said the campaign should be expanded to more days instead of just Saturdays or Sundays.

In Penang, where the policy has been in effect every day of the week for the past nine months, it has been a resounding success.

“We have noticed that there is less clogging of waterways ever since we embarked on the campaign which later included the ban on the use of polystyrene packaging at council-owned hawker centres,” said Penang Health, Welfare, Caring Society and Environment Committee chairman Phee Boon Poh.

Phee said the state government had taken a risk when it implemented the ruling as plastic bag manufacturers opposed it.

He also said the state government has collected almost RM1mil from the 20 sen sale of plastic bags at outlets since July 1, 2009. The fee is imposed on people who insist on plastic bags.

A source said that since the implementation of the ruling first partial, then total in 2009, the state has recorded a reduced usage of at least 33 million plastic bags

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I seriously wonder when will Malaysia, the whole of Malaysia, even ever implement this without a glitch....... Somehow, in my opinion, the plastic bags to pay for is rather "cheap". They should take more measures if they want to make it more effective. 

Over here in Germany, depending on the sizes of the plastic bags you take or the type of bags you take, the prices ranges from 0.09 - 1.50 euro per bag. And I don´t see anyone complaining about it...... guess they are "born" with it.... or they are adapting better than the Malaysians back home.....

Kids Talk About True Love

Found this really cute video..... showing the innocence of young minds and children. Their opinion of love really puts a smile on my face....... Them not knowing the hardships and such. :)

They talk about what is love, what happens next and so forth.... Worth a watch ;)

Really love the part, especially when at the end the little girl was talking about babies..... makes me wonder how can some people just hurt the innocent minds.

My baby and her bestie

A day out to meet up with Audrey and Mia to get my winter jacket and boots ended up window shopping and having 2 little squealing kiddos running around Alexa like two long lost buddies finally meeting up with each other after decades of not meeting!

Was indeed really nice to see both of them being so high spirited.......




 In fact...... when they saw each other ... instead of walking to each other, they ran to each other and hugged each other tightly! :-O Wasted I didn´t have my camera on hand at the time..... xD